A surrogacy journal

Follow with me on my amazing journey to give a wonderful couple the joy of a second child!

Friday, September 23, 2005

The halfway mark!

We are halfway done!!! I can't believe its this far already. Only 20 more weeks to go, if I make it to 40 weeks!
On Tuesday we had the long awaited ultrasound too. Its a boy!!! Not that it mattered either way to V&K as long as the baby was healthy but it sure is nice to know! We, Ansil and I, haven't ever really known the sex of the baby we were having so its a pretty big thrill for us. I don't think this little guy was shy in the least bit. His legs were pretty wide open showing it all. We were able to get a few pictures of his family jewels and the Dr. was 95% sure its a boy. He said there wasn't much that looked like a scrotum and penis. LOL
So, I'm happy to report a healthy happy baby boy and I was even happier that I was able to tell V&K myself. V and I talked for an hour about really everything. Its so great when we have time to chat like that though it was getting so late for her. We talked about them having another child and I know that V would love to but K was shaking his head no. She did offer to let me talk with him to try and convince him though. LOL I really have no idea if they will or not but it would be awesome to do this again for them.
We talked just a little about me doing this again but I've not decided either way right now. I'm thinking if I do it again it won't be right away. I want some time to focus on life and my family and get back to the body I want. Focusing on surrogacy really takes alot out of you and everything involved too.
I'm excited about this pregnancy but I'm excited to be done too. I want V&K to be able to spend some time with their new baby and I can't wait to hand this little one over to them.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

19 Weeks!!!

Here we are at 19 weeks and I'm nervous like you wouldn't believe! Its been 6 1/2 weeks since I've been to see the Dr., though I did have the triple test done about a week ago but that was just a quick trip to the lab so they could draw some blood. The results came back negative which means everything is good still which makes me feel good, kinda. I don't know if its just me being crazy old me or what but I don't feel the baby move as much as I did. I just get so stinking nervous about everything. I don't want anything to be wrong at all, ever.

Anyway, we only have about 3 days from right now until I see the Dr for the level 2 ultrasound which will hopefully tell us the gender of this little bean!!! I'm so excited for that and I've been counting down and trying to keep busy so the time goes by quickly. And busy we have been!

My little baby had to go to the Dr herself a couple days ago because she was wheezing and grunting like she couldn't breathe! Turns out she has some bronchial something or other, like the start of pneumonia. So, now she is on a nebulizer 3 times a day until she feels better and an antibiotic for 10 days to make sure if it was bacterial we could get rid of it. She goes back to the Dr. on Wed. for a recheck.

Needless to say, life has been nuts around here and I've been dealing with alot of it myself because Ansil has been working. I am trying not to stress too much for obvious reasons and I believe I've been doing good. And of course I'm resting like crazy with my daily naps. LOL I know I'm lazy but, well you know it makes no sense really because I don't have to rest while I can. I will be able to rest alot after the baby is born too. LOL Oh well.

Ryssa now knows that I'm pregnant and during a conversation the other day about where I had my babies at (the hospital in town) she commented that I was "giving this baby away". GRRRR It makes me mad to hear that though I know she doesn't quite understand it all. I'm not so sure if she would or not but I don't want her to go around telling everyone that I'm just giving babies away. This very much loved baby is going BACK to its parents when its ready to live outside of the womb. This was NEVER "my" baby and she has known this since day 1. I think its time to have a long long long talk with her. She needs to understand that wonderful thing that I'm able to offer K&V, at least to some extent.

Well, I think thats enough rambling for now. Kylee is trying to talk to someone on the phone, probably calling china or something. LOL

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Since my most recent chat with V I've had something on my mind. This pregnancy just seems so different than my own. I'm not sure what it is though. Besides the obvious things like morning sickness etc. Is it possible to feel attached yet unattached? Is it because this isn't "my" child? I don't really know the answer to this. I feel the baby move about now and again, mostly at night and I get so excited and happy about it, kinda like I did with my own. But I don't tell people, not even Ansil really. I've of course told V&K and I'm more than happy to share everything with them. I just feel, or maybe its not that I feel it, but I do hide everything from everyone around me. I've still not completely told my kids, of course Kylee wouldn't understand anyway. Ryssa knew what I was away from home for but I never told her I was pregnant. I guess I really should but I don't know when.
Then again, I need to make her understand that under no circumstances is this baby coming home with us or is it ours. I want my kids to spend a little time with the baby when its born before they all go home, but I haven't expressed this with V&K yet, nor have I asked for any me and baby time.
I'm worried, for no reason I'm sure, that they will think badly of me or that I am having second thoughts or something like that. And I'm totally not, not even close. But this baby will have been inside me for 9 months and no matter what there will always be that "bond" for me. It will be hard enough to say good-bye not knowing when or if I will ever see the baby again but to do that without properly saying good-bye the way I'm sure I will need to I think will be too much to handle for me. I never think that V&K will forget about me or not send pictures or anything like that but they live sooooooo far away theres just no telling if meeting up again will happen.
HA HA all this is probably coming out because I'm so stinking emotional right now but either way, its the way I feel.
V&K, I know that you read this and I hope I haven't given you anything to worry about because you really don't need to worry. You are absolutely wonderful people and I'm still very blessed to have met you and been given the chance to carry, care for, and love your child for the first 9 months of its life. Thank you so much for that!
I wish I could give you both great big hugs right now.