Too much thinking
The article in the magazine came out Friday. I was so excited to read it and really thought it was going to be great! I was sadly disappointed. :( There were a few things in there that I didn't know about, a few things that I didn't want in there but it was one of those "who cares how you feel about it" things, and a couple things that really ticked me off. One being that they made my husband sound like a selfish uncaring unfeeling ass! We talked about that tonight and lo and behold, I got a lovely response saying just that from someone who read it. This wonderful thing, surrogacy, although it wasn't actually put this way, was made out to be basically about money and hurt feelings.
Not to mention they made it sound like I am totally missing the baby and only the baby and my life is just turned upside down because of it. Get this: my sense of loss IS NOT A SENSE OF THE LOSS OF A CHILD! I never lost a child! He was never mine to lose and I've been clear on that since day 1. Yes I miss him. If you spent 9 months caring for someone daily 24/7 wouldn't you miss them when they left too? But to compare that to the loss of a child is ridiculous! I don't know that feeling, I've never lost a child, but I can assure you that what I feel is MILD compared to that.
I'm so mad, sad, upset and everything else. I want to puke! I can only imagine what V is thinking about it right now. I know that I have some things to ask her about and some thoughts to share with her and I'm guessing she feels the same way. Although I wonder if she will really express them to me.
I was able to whine and complain to C today and thank heavens for that! It helps so much that she has been there done that and not just that but she knows V&K even better than I do. Some of the things I have been feeling and thinking, though I know probably aren't justified, she understood and told me exactly what she thought. I can't ever thank her enough for what she has done for me. Not just introducing me to V&K, but being there for me every step of the way and being totally honest with me. I wish I could find a way to pay her back for all her kindness but I don't think its possible. C, if you read this, know that you hold a very special place in my heart and in my life.
I can't write any more tonight. I'm very upset and nervous to boot because my little one has surgery in the morning. I hope that I will write more soon though.
God bless!
Not to mention they made it sound like I am totally missing the baby and only the baby and my life is just turned upside down because of it. Get this: my sense of loss IS NOT A SENSE OF THE LOSS OF A CHILD! I never lost a child! He was never mine to lose and I've been clear on that since day 1. Yes I miss him. If you spent 9 months caring for someone daily 24/7 wouldn't you miss them when they left too? But to compare that to the loss of a child is ridiculous! I don't know that feeling, I've never lost a child, but I can assure you that what I feel is MILD compared to that.
I'm so mad, sad, upset and everything else. I want to puke! I can only imagine what V is thinking about it right now. I know that I have some things to ask her about and some thoughts to share with her and I'm guessing she feels the same way. Although I wonder if she will really express them to me.
I was able to whine and complain to C today and thank heavens for that! It helps so much that she has been there done that and not just that but she knows V&K even better than I do. Some of the things I have been feeling and thinking, though I know probably aren't justified, she understood and told me exactly what she thought. I can't ever thank her enough for what she has done for me. Not just introducing me to V&K, but being there for me every step of the way and being totally honest with me. I wish I could find a way to pay her back for all her kindness but I don't think its possible. C, if you read this, know that you hold a very special place in my heart and in my life.
I can't write any more tonight. I'm very upset and nervous to boot because my little one has surgery in the morning. I hope that I will write more soon though.
God bless!
posted by April @ 9:10 PM
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