A surrogacy journal

Follow with me on my amazing journey to give a wonderful couple the joy of a second child!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

What is there to say?

Its now been 5 weeks since he was born. For me, 5 long yet short confusing weeks. No more tears for me, but tons of mixed emotions. I feel nearly every emotion possible. Happy, sad, depressed, angry. I'm sure its hormonally induced but it doesn't make it any easier. How do I feel today? Slighted. I know exactly why but I also know I have no right to feel that way. So, its just one more emotion to get over. Not an easy one because when I think about it then I get mad and I don't want to be mad. ARGGGG!
As far as I know Wouter is doing good, growing and changing like expected. They did have to change his formula because V suspected that he was having gas troubles on the one but seems to be doing good now. His big brother is still in love with him giving him kisses whenever he goes any where, ie: school, bath, bed, etc. I'm very happy for them and the fact that all is going well.
I've been thinking more and more each day about doing this again. In my heart, I know I want to. In my head, I'm scared. Scared of getting pregnant with multiples, scared of not having such a good journey, scared of medical complications, scared of so many things. V told me that I need to take time to heal before deciding yes or no. She also said that just because a journey is different, doesn't mean its better or worse, just different. She's so very right.
I also know that I want to do at least 1 egg donation, which I would like to do this year some time. I might just resign myself to doing an egg donation or 2 and be done. Only time will tell what I will end up doing.
In the rest of my life things have been rocky. Ansil and I have been at odds for a little while now over things that to me are common sense but he doesn't see them that way. He's gone nearly all day every day which has left me as pretty much a single parent. When he is home, if hes awake, then hes on the computer playing his game and ignoring everything going on. I'm taking care of the kids, the household, the animals, the errands and everything else that pops up. I have also gotten a job working from home. It only requires 12 hours a week which is good, I can work more if I want/can. Its an hourly wage, I'm an employee not an independent contractor, no buying work clothes, extra gas, daycare or any of that. I'm very happy to have this opportunity but I have a feeling that Ansil won't be helping me much which is going to make it very hard on me, more than it is now. My kids are doing good. Ryssa has had 2 snow days this week alone due to beng dumped on with snow. I have found some great books, actually series of books, for her to start reading and she is excited about them. I just have to get them now. LOL School continues to trudge on despite everything. She is getting tired of getting up and going to school so I'm thankful that she only has a couple months left before summer. Kylee is, well honestly not so good. She is scheduled for surgery this coming Monday the 20th. She will have her tonsils and adnoids removed and tubes in her ears. At this moment she is as healthy as can be though. I am hoping and praying that she will have a miraculous turn around after this surgery.
I am trying to prepare myself for her surgery on Monday but it isn't helping my fears all that much. I will be happy once its all over with and she is back with us.
So, thats the best I can do for right now. I've about exhausted all my thoughts for the night and its getting pretty late so I should head off to bed.
God bless!


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