Things that make you go hmmmm...
Since my most recent chat with V I've had something on my mind. This pregnancy just seems so different than my own. I'm not sure what it is though. Besides the obvious things like morning sickness etc. Is it possible to feel attached yet unattached? Is it because this isn't "my" child? I don't really know the answer to this. I feel the baby move about now and again, mostly at night and I get so excited and happy about it, kinda like I did with my own. But I don't tell people, not even Ansil really. I've of course told V&K and I'm more than happy to share everything with them. I just feel, or maybe its not that I feel it, but I do hide everything from everyone around me. I've still not completely told my kids, of course Kylee wouldn't understand anyway. Ryssa knew what I was away from home for but I never told her I was pregnant. I guess I really should but I don't know when.
Then again, I need to make her understand that under no circumstances is this baby coming home with us or is it ours. I want my kids to spend a little time with the baby when its born before they all go home, but I haven't expressed this with V&K yet, nor have I asked for any me and baby time.
I'm worried, for no reason I'm sure, that they will think badly of me or that I am having second thoughts or something like that. And I'm totally not, not even close. But this baby will have been inside me for 9 months and no matter what there will always be that "bond" for me. It will be hard enough to say good-bye not knowing when or if I will ever see the baby again but to do that without properly saying good-bye the way I'm sure I will need to I think will be too much to handle for me. I never think that V&K will forget about me or not send pictures or anything like that but they live sooooooo far away theres just no telling if meeting up again will happen.
HA HA all this is probably coming out because I'm so stinking emotional right now but either way, its the way I feel.
V&K, I know that you read this and I hope I haven't given you anything to worry about because you really don't need to worry. You are absolutely wonderful people and I'm still very blessed to have met you and been given the chance to carry, care for, and love your child for the first 9 months of its life. Thank you so much for that!
I wish I could give you both great big hugs right now.
Then again, I need to make her understand that under no circumstances is this baby coming home with us or is it ours. I want my kids to spend a little time with the baby when its born before they all go home, but I haven't expressed this with V&K yet, nor have I asked for any me and baby time.
I'm worried, for no reason I'm sure, that they will think badly of me or that I am having second thoughts or something like that. And I'm totally not, not even close. But this baby will have been inside me for 9 months and no matter what there will always be that "bond" for me. It will be hard enough to say good-bye not knowing when or if I will ever see the baby again but to do that without properly saying good-bye the way I'm sure I will need to I think will be too much to handle for me. I never think that V&K will forget about me or not send pictures or anything like that but they live sooooooo far away theres just no telling if meeting up again will happen.
HA HA all this is probably coming out because I'm so stinking emotional right now but either way, its the way I feel.
V&K, I know that you read this and I hope I haven't given you anything to worry about because you really don't need to worry. You are absolutely wonderful people and I'm still very blessed to have met you and been given the chance to carry, care for, and love your child for the first 9 months of its life. Thank you so much for that!
I wish I could give you both great big hugs right now.
posted by April @ 9:50 PM
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