A surrogacy journal

Seems to be the norm

2006-07-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

every couple months to write in here again. You know, I realized just how much I miss writing my feelings, updates and such even though I know nobody reads this anymore. I guess I'm not near as exciting now as I was being pregnant as a surrogate. Gosh that almost seems like a thing of the past. All the time I worried myself about how I was going to feel after the baby came even though I knew in my head that he wasn't mine and that I wasn't going to keep him and all that stuff. You can't help but worry about that stuff the first time around. I imagine that people do it their 2nd time or 3rd time too. I would worry about it again, though not as much as I did with baby W. I love that little boy, I would do anything in the world that I could for him if he so needed or wanted it. He holds a VERY special place in my heart and I'm still so proud of myself for being able to and doing what I did as a surrogate. Heck ya I have some regrets, but none of that means near as much to me as remembering V cutting his cord and her face when he was born. And seeing K, after traveling for hours and hours with his son for the very first time, being able to give him a big old hug and talk to him and then seeing them all together. Even now, his pictures bring tears to my eyes. I can see so much love in V&K's eyes and even in S's eyes for that little boy. I so wish that I could hold him and snuggle him and love on him like I did those first few days of his life out of my womb. I'm sad to know that when I do see him again, he won't know me, he won't remember me. It makes me cry but I hope that he does get to know me over time. I'm anxious for the time when he will speak english and I can talk to him on the phone. Thats years away of course but it will happen. And I hope when hes old enough, that he knows and understands what I did and that he wants to get to know me and stay in touch with me.
I love V&K so much also. They are so awesome! And I will never forget V learning the word yummy. We were all, V,K, W, me, Charity her dad her kids and my kids, sitting at the Green Mill for lunch and V's eyes lighting up when she announced that she learned that word on this trip and kept using it. Way too cute!
Some day I do so hope to take a lovely trip over that way. V&K said if we made it to Ireland they would meet us there. I would very much love that.

So some update about my life right now. I signed up with an agency that was started by 2 "popular" egg donors, 1 of whom was also a surrogate twice, to begin with. I thought for sure that was the best route to go at the time because they were experienced and seemed so nice. Well, now its been several months since I signed up with then and have only had a couple 1 line updates about how they have IPs looking at profiles and thats it! Nothing else. So, needless to say, I'm very disappointed. I tried an indy match but that kind of fell through when the IPs decided to pursue an adoption that had just come to them. I don't blame them one bit, they need to do what is best for them. Then I decided to sign up with IARC again. I was told they had MANY IPs looking right now and that since I have blonde (strawberry blonde now, was red) hair and blue eyes, proven fertility with my 2 kids, and have been a GS already that I should match quickly. The only draw back? My fee. But you know what? I do believe I deserve it. Not only am I giving them my genetic makeup, my would be flesh and blood, I'm required to take time away from my family, in another country no less to do it. I'm also taking drugs that could mess with my own fertility and going through a procedure that could also cause big problems with my fertility or even death. What the heck in this world doesn't have a "precaution" of death though right? But nevertheless, this is not "normal" in the natural scheme of things, its something extra I'm doing to possibly endanger my life. I very much feel I'm worth that and then some. I just hope the IPs see that, and I do so hope that they pass around the extra letter I sent with my application. What I don't understand though is why I was sent ANOTHER application, when I had just sent one in to them. Keeping my fingers crossed that I do get matched quickly.
So thats where I am in this whole surrogacy/egg donor part of my life. In other parts of my life, my wahj is going, I'm not liking it much anymore as I'm still doing the same stinking campaigns and they are getting totally old. I'm thinking about applying for another job but I don't think I can commit to 30 hrs of quiet they would like. The girls are doing good. Kylee is getting better with this potty training stuff. She is totally trained naked but not in panties which drives me up a wall. Shes getting better about it all though. Ryssa is doing good but jumping back and forth between my house and her bio-dads house is wearing on her badly. Shes tired of going back and forth and I don't blame her, I'm tired of it too. Nothing I can do about it though since hes such an ass, he doesn't care whats best for HER because its all about HIM, like always. The girls fight constantly which is the norm for them but its really wearing on me now. I can't stand the constant bickering. Ansil and I are doing ok too.
Thats life as it is now. Well, right now this very day its miserable, hot humid and just plain awful. LOL I'm thankful that 2 yrs ago I splurged and bought us an a/c unit for the upstairs because we at least have that to keep cool but dang, I have had it running for 2 days straight now and I hate that. It uses so much electricity but I just can't stand being so hot and sticky all the time and with temps being 100+, not adding the humidity factor, I just have to. We all need some cool and I don't want something to happen to the kids either.
There, now you have it all, an update for the past couple months. I covered the majority of things I think. Maybe I will write more in a couple months with a more upbeat theme. LOL

God bless!

Hey I'm still here!

2006-06-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

I've had the pleasure of watching baby W grow so far in pictures and let me tell you he is one beautiful little guy! V is one of the kindest people ever. She took time on mother's day to make sure she sent me some much wanted pictures of the whole family and I have to say I cried big crocodile tears looking at them. They are such a wonderful family and baby W has the cutest toothless smile I have seen in forever! Ok so I may be a bit biased but anyone who sees it has to admit that its pretty darn cute. You can't help but smile when you see it, even in pictures. Ansil even smiled so big when he saw the pics so you know its got to be pretty cute! LOL
I haven't had the chance yet but I am going to put the pictures on a disc and take them to Walmart and print some off. I am so excited to get a pic of all of them up on my wall. They are so much like family and I'm still so much in awe with everything that happened.
I've made the decision that I want very much to do this again and honestly I would love to help V&K again. However, Ansil is definitely not ready, nor is K. V and I have talked and decided that behind the scenes we are going to work on our men to agree to do this again!!!! I'm so excited but I know that it will take time and I'm ok with that. Well, kind of anyway but I'm willing to wait before saying anything to Ansil again if that helps my chances of him agreeing to it! But don't tell him that! LOL
In the mean time, I'm going to do an egg donation or 2, just have to wait and see how things go the first time around. I'm excited to get started on that and hopefully it will be soon. Going with IARC again means that I don't have to do the psych testing again right now, unless the parents are concerned with something but I don't see that as a problem. In other words, it will go a bit faster than going with anyone else. I'm waiting on a packet of info to fill out and send back and things will be rolling right along. WOOHOO!

Its been way too long

2006-04-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

since I updated anything! Life has been busy, complicated, stressful, but all around pretty good. With my new job, housework, errands, girl scouts (which I keep forgetting about!), and the kids I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. At the end of every day I'm pooped to say the least. And whats worse is I never get to bed before midnight! And then I'm up again at 6:30 am to do it all over again.
Its all good though. I'm loving my new found energy after having it all zapped being pregnant. It feels good to really get things done around the house and with the kids. I just need to start actually exercising more. My big butt needs to shrink at least 2 pant sizes so I can fit into all my summer clothes. I don't want to have to buy a new wardrobe again! LOL
On the surrogacy subject though, I was just today thinking about placing an ad. I haven't made up my mind if I want to or not. If I do, it would specifically say that I am NOT looking to start right away but want to take time, as in months, to get to know them and I want someone closer to me so we can do weekend BBQs and such and get our families more invovled this time. I still love V&K and nothing could replace or change that, but man it would be bliss if they lived closer! I need to have a heart to heart with Ansil first before I even think about placing an ad. There are many things that I want different this time and I need to know if he is on board with that.
I'm also in the process of filling out a questionaire about egg donation. This is something that I know I want to do right now. I would like to look at a generic but good contract to decide how I want to handle the traveling that is involved. I don't mind traveling, its just that my kids won't have anyone home to care for them at that time and Ansil can't that much time off work, its not possible. I thought about taking Ky with me and Ryssa could stay with her dad but when going to the clinic for the actual egg retreival, I have to be put under and there is no way I could watch Ky during that time obviously. Anyway, I just need to know what is normal to ask for and what isn't.
After Kylee's surgery she has totally changed! She eats all the time and quite a bit at a time too. She has put on weight and sleeps really good. Her hearing is as good as it gets too! Oh, and she talks sooooo clearly now that everybody can actually understand her! Though she still has an attitude problem and gets into tons of trouble, the rest is so different about her. I have been trying to potty train her but with everything else going on, its been difficult so I have been slacking on it. Its so time consuming and so much work but eventually we will get there. Shes a very smart kiddo and I'm hoping she won't take too long before she catches it on.
So, thats about it for us right now. Life has gone on, I've adjusted once again and things are going pretty smoothly, just very busy.
God bless everyone!!!

Too much thinking

2006-03-26T21:10:00.000-08:00

The article in the magazine came out Friday. I was so excited to read it and really thought it was going to be great! I was sadly disappointed. :( There were a few things in there that I didn't know about, a few things that I didn't want in there but it was one of those "who cares how you feel about it" things, and a couple things that really ticked me off. One being that they made my husband sound like a selfish uncaring unfeeling ass! We talked about that tonight and lo and behold, I got a lovely response saying just that from someone who read it. This wonderful thing, surrogacy, although it wasn't actually put this way, was made out to be basically about money and hurt feelings.
Not to mention they made it sound like I am totally missing the baby and only the baby and my life is just turned upside down because of it. Get this: my sense of loss IS NOT A SENSE OF THE LOSS OF A CHILD! I never lost a child! He was never mine to lose and I've been clear on that since day 1. Yes I miss him. If you spent 9 months caring for someone daily 24/7 wouldn't you miss them when they left too? But to compare that to the loss of a child is ridiculous! I don't know that feeling, I've never lost a child, but I can assure you that what I feel is MILD compared to that.
I'm so mad, sad, upset and everything else. I want to puke! I can only imagine what V is thinking about it right now. I know that I have some things to ask her about and some thoughts to share with her and I'm guessing she feels the same way. Although I wonder if she will really express them to me.
I was able to whine and complain to C today and thank heavens for that! It helps so much that she has been there done that and not just that but she knows V&K even better than I do. Some of the things I have been feeling and thinking, though I know probably aren't justified, she understood and told me exactly what she thought. I can't ever thank her enough for what she has done for me. Not just introducing me to V&K, but being there for me every step of the way and being totally honest with me. I wish I could find a way to pay her back for all her kindness but I don't think its possible. C, if you read this, know that you hold a very special place in my heart and in my life.
I can't write any more tonight. I'm very upset and nervous to boot because my little one has surgery in the morning. I hope that I will write more soon though.
God bless!

What is there to say?

2006-03-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

Its now been 5 weeks since he was born. For me, 5 long yet short confusing weeks. No more tears for me, but tons of mixed emotions. I feel nearly every emotion possible. Happy, sad, depressed, angry. I'm sure its hormonally induced but it doesn't make it any easier. How do I feel today? Slighted. I know exactly why but I also know I have no right to feel that way. So, its just one more emotion to get over. Not an easy one because when I think about it then I get mad and I don't want to be mad. ARGGGG!
As far as I know Wouter is doing good, growing and changing like expected. They did have to change his formula because V suspected that he was having gas troubles on the one but seems to be doing good now. His big brother is still in love with him giving him kisses whenever he goes any where, ie: school, bath, bed, etc. I'm very happy for them and the fact that all is going well.
I've been thinking more and more each day about doing this again. In my heart, I know I want to. In my head, I'm scared. Scared of getting pregnant with multiples, scared of not having such a good journey, scared of medical complications, scared of so many things. V told me that I need to take time to heal before deciding yes or no. She also said that just because a journey is different, doesn't mean its better or worse, just different. She's so very right.
I also know that I want to do at least 1 egg donation, which I would like to do this year some time. I might just resign myself to doing an egg donation or 2 and be done. Only time will tell what I will end up doing.
In the rest of my life things have been rocky. Ansil and I have been at odds for a little while now over things that to me are common sense but he doesn't see them that way. He's gone nearly all day every day which has left me as pretty much a single parent. When he is home, if hes awake, then hes on the computer playing his game and ignoring everything going on. I'm taking care of the kids, the household, the animals, the errands and everything else that pops up. I have also gotten a job working from home. It only requires 12 hours a week which is good, I can work more if I want/can. Its an hourly wage, I'm an employee not an independent contractor, no buying work clothes, extra gas, daycare or any of that. I'm very happy to have this opportunity but I have a feeling that Ansil won't be helping me much which is going to make it very hard on me, more than it is now. My kids are doing good. Ryssa has had 2 snow days this week alone due to beng dumped on with snow. I have found some great books, actually series of books, for her to start reading and she is excited about them. I just have to get them now. LOL School continues to trudge on despite everything. She is getting tired of getting up and going to school so I'm thankful that she only has a couple months left before summer. Kylee is, well honestly not so good. She is scheduled for surgery this coming Monday the 20th. She will have her tonsils and adnoids removed and tubes in her ears. At this moment she is as healthy as can be though. I am hoping and praying that she will have a miraculous turn around after this surgery.
I am trying to prepare myself for her surgery on Monday but it isn't helping my fears all that much. I will be happy once its all over with and she is back with us.
So, thats the best I can do for right now. I've about exhausted all my thoughts for the night and its getting pretty late so I should head off to bed.
God bless!

3 weeks already....

2006-03-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how time has flown by once again. My sweet little surroson is 22 days old today. Can you believe it? I sure can't. I think about him every day and wonder how he is doing, how he is growing, if he is still sleeping good and being a good little boy for his parents. I miss them all so much. I wish more than anything that we lived closer to each other so I could go for a quick visit now and then.
I've had some really really bad days, mostly in the first days following their leaving to go home. I cried non stop for a couple days. Its hard to explain my feelings other than feeling a loss, and not like the loss of a child, just a loss. I am happy of course for what I have done and for the wonderful family I helped to finish. Other than that, I feel pretty good. I am still in awe with my body. Its such a quick change from being pregnant to not that I'm not used to the fact that I can bend over easily, lift things, carry my little one with ease, and that my jacket fits so loosely. LOL I am fitting into some of my pre-pregnancy pants, have been since about 1 week post partem but still not able to fit into all of them. However, I plan on starting to exercise daily soon. I know that I should probably wait until after my 6 week checkup but I feel good enough that I think I can start slowly. I certainly won't be walking or running miles or lifting heavy weights or anything like that. I'm going to use my yoga ball and some of the exercises that came with it. They look like pretty good low impact ones. Whats going to be cute about it all is that Kylee will probably use one of her little balls and imitate me.
Speaking of Kylee, she finally got in to see the ENT specialist yesterday. Within 2 mins, the doctor was already asking us if we were ready for surgery! We knew it was coming though so we were prepared to say yes. He saw some fluid in her ears again so he had to send her for a hearing test. She has more hearing loss in her right ear than in her left ear unfortunately. He compared the fluid in her right ear to the thickness of glue! Can you imagine....? The only good part about it is that hopefully once the fluid drains, she will NOT have permanent hearing loss. So, the plan is this, she will get her tonsils and adnoids removed and then have tubes put in her ears. All this will be done on March 20th. Yes its pretty soon but you know, I'm sick and tired of her being sick and all that and honestly wish that we could have gotten her in earlier. I am looking forward to having a "normal" child. One who can hear good, breathe good and through her nose, and can actually taste food. I think that she is so picky right now because she can't really taste anything and if she does then it probably tastes funny to her. Plus, with her hearing being improved she will be able to speak better. That will be a blessing.
Well, those are my updates right now. I know I said I would post my birth story and I will sometime. I have it written, but its ended up being 4 1/2 pages long! I just don't know what I can leave out and still have it be what I want it to be. So, I will work on that when I get a chance.
God bless.

So much has happened

2006-02-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

At 39w4d I had my last doc appt. We discovered that despite all the contractions I had had, I was still only 1 1/2 cm dilated. I was very depressed about this but still knew that he couldn't stay in there forever! The doctor was great though and decided to stretch my cervix. He said that if the body is ready, this is sometimes a way to start labor. I cramped for a bit afterwards and then had contractions for the remainder of the day. I certainly didn't think that anything would happen but again, was holding hope that it would be soon. We had an induction date set for the 17th of Feb which I really didn't want to make it to.

Anyway, I woke up Feb 9th, in labor!!! I will write and post a birth story with all the details but needless to say, baby W was born at 11:59am Feb. 9th. He weighed 7bs 2oz and was 20inches long. Absolutely perfect!!!!!!

Here is a link to a slide show of pictures from birth to 3 days old so far. I know I will have more to add soon. I hope everyone enjoys them. There is also music, albeit a bit cheesy, but it makes me tear up anyway.
(took out the link for privacy reasons)

39weeks and still hanging on

2006-02-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

The countdown is still going on. Any predictions on when this little bub will decide to make his entrance into this world? My mom still says on Monday Feb. 6th but I don't know. I'm just hoping its sooner rather than later. :)
My doc appt on Wed. went pretty good. I'm down another 3lbs, blood pressure is still good even though it was a bit higher than my normal. My big interview with People magazine was Wed. afternoon so I expected it to be a bit higher than normal anyway from being nervous. No more dilation though, still hanging strong at 1 1/2cm. But we know for sure that he is head down!!! The doctor was awesome and snuck me into another doctor's ultrasound room to get a quick peek to make sure. I got a quick glance at his sweet little face as he went past it and he even showed me the heartbeating. I love watching that. Anyway, things are still going good here.

The interview went well which I'm pleased with. I don't think I've ever had so many pictures taken of me in my whole entire life though! My mom is an avid picture taker but I think the photographer beat her record in just 1 day! LOL V asked me what questions I was asked and I told her it would be easier to tell her what I wasn't asked. I seriously can't remember what all was asked but thats ok. Its better to get the whole story than just bits and pieces right?

Unfortunately though, V got a bit upset about a couple things that I won't mention and has since changed her arrival date by 2 days. She is nervous and worried and does NOT want to miss anything. The one bad thing though is that she has refused to let me miss church that day to pick her up from the airport. I have no idea why, especially since its only 1 day and its not that big of a deal but she doesn't want that so we have since found her alternate transportation from the airport to the hotel. I just hope it doesn't take that long because I can only imagine how tired she is going to be. I'm even debating on whether or not to visit with her on Sunday or not because there is a 7 hour time difference plus her 8 hour flight and she will have been awake since at least 3am that morning (her time). BUT, I don't think I will be able to skip meeting with her. I simply can't wait and I hope to be able to surprise her a little bit too. But shhhhhhh, don't tell her that! LOL Lets just hope she doesn't read this first right? :) Oh it will be great either way and she will be able to see in person just how big her little boy has grown. I can't wait to see the love in her eyes at that time.
Most importantly, I can't wait to see her face when her son enters this world and takes his first breath, and also when I "officially" place HER son in his rightful place in her arms. I still can't believe that moment is so close now. Close enough I can nearly taste it!!!
Yesterday I finally realized just how much V&K trust me and it sent me into a whirlwind. While talking with her and trying to figure out what she wanted me to do in the event that they couldn't make it to the birth, I mentioned that I didn't want to do anything wrong and didn't want to upset her. She told me that I could never do anything wrong. Those few words about knocked me off my seat and I had no idea what to say in response and ended up changing the subject. LOL It totally amazes me that they have put such complete and utter trust in ME! In a matter of speaking they have both put their hearts in my hands and haven't looked back. They trusted me with the very LIFE of their child and not just for one night, one week, or one month, but an entire 9 months! They have trusted that I will not only "carry" their child but grow him perfectly and birth him happy and healthy. Can anyone join me in a WOW?!?! I know that for this to happen thats what they HAD to do but still, to actually do it...well how many people can say that that would an easy decision or even one they could themselves make? And they chose ME, of all the people in the world, to put so much trust in. This may sound weird to some, but because of that I can't help but love them. It makes them feel more like family than friends or anything else. WOW WOW WOW WOW!
V&K, you guys are the absolute BEST and I will forever be thankful that you chose me to do this awesome thing for you!!! Thank you so much for trusting me, believeing in me, and allowing me to share in such an amazing and personal part in your lives. No matter what happens, I will never forget that or you.

Now I must run because I've put myself in tears and my kids are ready for lunch. :) God bless everyone and I hope my next update will be that the baby is HERE!

Closer and closer but not quite THERE!

2006-01-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

My doctor appointment today was rather boring, as I guess they should be but you know, being this close a little excitement would be nice. LOL Anyway, my weight gain is now down about 4lbs, thanks to somehow losing some water weight, and my blood pressure was 100/66 so still doing great. I'm still measuring good too. The best news of the day is that I am 1 1/2cm dilated! No its not much and honestly I was hoping for more but at least I'm doing something and that was only in 1 weeks time. I have something to work with here anyway.
They baby was sounding good but the doc said he couldn't tell for sure if he was head down or not. :( He did say that if he was feeling his butt it was the hardest butt hes ever felt!! And the heartbeat was head down pretty low along with me feeling the hiccups down low too. I'm pretty sure he IS head down but just to be safe, the doc wants an ultrasound done. Unfortunately, I couldn't get one scheduled until Feb. 6th! I have a feeling I won't be making it that far though. So, I asked him, if I go into labor before that ultrasound, should I push for one in the hospital? His answer was YES! I do have another appointment next Wednesday of course so when I go in I will see if possibly the portable u/s machine is available just to be safe.
So thats about it for today's adventures. The weather is expected to be pretty nice the next couple days other than windy so I hope to get out and walk walk walk each day and make some more progress.
Take care everyone!!

37w today!

2006-01-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Here we are at 37 weeks now. With as easy as this whole pregnancy has been I never thought the end would be any different. Well, I was wrong. I'm getting more miserable by the day! :( Sleep is nearly non-existant right now. It takes forever to get comfortable and usually by that time then the little guy is woken up and starts moving around or ends up with a serious case of the hiccups which then makes me uncomfortable again. I've also had an unbelieveable amount of swelling in the last 2 weeks. It wouldn't be so bad but it actually hurts! My hands, arms, and wrists are the absolute worst. My fingers are stiff and my wrists feel like I have carpal tunnel now. And of course my hands are forever falling asleep no matter how I sit or lay down. I've increased my water intake but its not helping, just making me use the potty even more often.

I had another doc appt. on Wed. of this week and things are still looking good with the baby. I swear his heartrate is slower each time but the doc doesn't say anything is out of the ordinary so I guess it sounds good to him. LOL I'm still measuring ok too. A new development with me though is that my belly button has decided to pop! For the first few days it hurt like nobody's business. I couldn't touch it with my finger and even having my shirt or pants on it made it ache. And not just painful but when it was touched or bumped, which I end up doing all the time now, the pain would radiate all across my belly. I think I liked it better when my belly button didn't pop. HA HA HA
Anyway, my cervix is about 75% thinned out now and I'm a fingertip dilated so we are making some progress anyway. I hope things keep going good with all that because at this point I can't wait to be done! I want to feel normal again and I want so very badly to share this wonderful little boy with his parents! It almost seems selfish of me because V&K haven't been able to share much of it with me and I don't like that at all.

I do need to talk with Ansil though about taking pictures. I've already informed him that he is the offical photographer but not really told him what to take pics of. I want him to pretty much tell the story with the pictures which means taking tons of them but I'm not so sure he will understand that. I thought about having him video tape it all but the more I think about it, the less I want my ranting and raving and probably screaming on tape. LOL I am wondering though. I had a friend offer to take the girls whenever I needed even if it meant an overnight stay. Our oldest girls are good friends and her 2nd girl and my little one are close in age too. Anyway, it would be hard for me to do it but I could ask her to take the girls when I go into labor and then ask my mom to be at the hospital to take the pictures because I know she would do a good job. I guess I will have to wait and see how it goes and of course talk with Ansil about it too. They are his kids too afterall and if hes not comfortable with her watching them right now then we will have to go with the original plan.

I'm off to finally start packing my bag and getting everything ready for our time to leave! I've been saying I'm going to do it for the last week but something always comes up so right now I have time and I'm going to get it done with already. LOL Besides, I've already written a book........

35w5d quick update

2006-01-11T18:24:00.000-08:00

Things are still going pretty good, thankfully. I saw the doc again on Monday and because I had been having contractions, not many but pretty much daily, he decided to check my cervix. I'm not dialated but I am really thinned out. So definitely something is going on down there. I feel so much pressure down under that its unbelieveable but the doc did say that the baby was wayyyyyyyy low. LOL I think I could have told him that.
Anyway, my blood pressure was good and I am down 2lbs again. I will NOT complain as long as the baby looks and sounds fine along with everything else. It is just less to lose in the end!! YAY! Unfortunately, I'm sure I will gain more between now and the time he finally makes his entrance.
But really thats about it on that end of things. Nothing much going on and nothing really changing as of right now. Once I hit 36 weeks (Friday) if I go into labor they won't stop it so lets see how long we make it.

Newest belly picture 34w2d

2006-01-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

Alright, here it is! This was taken Sunday night and though there isn't a big difference in this one and the last one, I can FEEL a difference. Actually, I feel like he has dropped quite a bit but I know it certainly doesn't look like that! LOL
Enjoy!!!!

33w6d

2005-12-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

Here we are at nearly 34 weeks already! I'm getting anxious for the birth of this little guy but we have at least 3 weeks before I can relax about going into labor. I'm pretty sure though that I will make it pretty far, past 37 weeks anyway.

I had my doc appt on Tuesday and everything is looking great still. I only gained 1lb in 2 weeks, my blood pressure was 124/66 which is about normal for me and I'm measuring right on! I also asked the doctor to feel around and tell me if he thought this little guy was head down yet. He said it sure felt like it!!! But of course to remember that he can flip flop right up until the last minute. I sure hope hes going to cooperate now and just stay head down. I don't want anything else to worry about between now and the birth.

I'm contemplating packing my bag for the hospital now but I think I will just wait a couple more weeks. I don't want to feel like I'm rushing things and I also feel that if I pack it now, I will be even more anxious for the birth and then time will slow down.
I'm feeling pretty good but I think I'm getting a cold. I really don't want one right now, especially right at the end here but I can't keep all the germs away. Oh well, I'll make it anyway!

I have to get another belly picture taken soon and I'm positive its grown even more! I'm so amazed at skin, how it can stretch and stretch and never break open! LOL Of course my belly is covered with stretch marks but I have light skin so its ok. Besides that, they are all reminders of my wonderful girls and will be reminders of this little amazing guy too!

Now, I just need a name to call him. (Thats a hint V&K) LOL

32w3d belly pic

2005-12-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

Its been quite a while since I put up a new belly picture here so I thought I would add another one now. I've certainly grown alot since the last one but thankfully it seems to all be right out in front, for now anyway.
And just so you know, I was fresh out of a hot shower and in my jammies so I don't look all that great. LOL

32weeks and nervous

2005-12-17T09:29:00.000-08:00

I had my Dr. appt. on Monday and well, its good news and bad news. The baby looks really good, and as of Monday which was 31w4d was measuring 32 weeks. He had fluid in his belly and in his bladder which is all good. Though I did tell the Dr. that he probably wanted to stand back when the baby was born because he would probably pee on him. LOL It looks like he has a really big head but I truly doubt that he does or will. Well, I'm hoping for that too. LOL
Now for the not so good news that makes me a bit nervous. The baby is sitting breech, and not just breech, but frank breech which is pretty much folded in half with his feet up by his head. After learning this, I searched online about this and have learned that if needed, turning a baby that is frank breech is alot harder than turning a foot first breech baby. The doctor said that about 38 or 39 weeks, if the baby is still breech, he will attempt a version (manually turning the baby). I'm not so much afraid of the version as I am the consequences if the baby doesn't turn. I asked also what the chances are that the version will be successful and he said that about 75% of them are so that makes me feel better of course. If the baby does turn, they will induce me that day to ensure the baby doesn't move back breech again. If he doesn't turn, then they will either do a c-section right then or I can go home and wait until labor starts naturally on its own and hope the baby has turned or I will have a c-section anyway. Lots of things to think about between now and then but I think I know what I will do IF it comes to that.

For now, I'm trying different positions and such to encourage the baby to turn on his own. One being on all fours with my head down on the floor leaving my butt way up in the air for about 20 mins at a time. Another is putting a cold pack on the top of my belly while also putting a warm pack on the bottom of my belly hoping the baby will turn away from the cold towards the warmth and if that happens then I plan on jumping up and down to get his head stuck down there. LOL Ok so not really am I going to jump up and down but its a good thought anyway. :)

As of today, 32w1d, he is still breech though. I'm not sore just sitting here but if I touch my belly where his head is sitting, right under my ribs, it hurts. I'm not sure if its because the head is so hard or the position of it or what but it really is very very sore there. My belly is still sitting up really high and I just know that if he turns around, everything is going to drop. HAHA

I have my next appt. on Dec. 27th so we will see what that appt. brings for us. Hopefully its really good news!!!

31 weeks and still going strong!

2005-12-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday marked 31 weeks for us. HOORAY!!! We are sooo close now and I've really been noticing some changes going on. For starters, nesting has set in! Oh I know my house just loves this one. LOL My kids and Ansil on the other hand I think are getting sick of me. I'm always complaing about them cleaning up and keeping it clean. LOL
My belly is certainly protruding but thankfully, most all of it all is out front! It really does look like a basketball under my shirt this time, compared to my other pregnancies. For this I'm thankful but it sure does make my balance off kilter. I tend to wobble alot when I stand up which is quite comical.
Being sleepy 24/7 is back again but I still try and get a nap in when I can. With Christmas being so close right now life has kept us very busy and of course we have extra curricular things going on too. When I think about how much we have to pack into the next couple weeks I get exhausted, can't wait to do it all! LOL
Yesterday was our grocery shopping day. Now this almost always takes us 1+hrs to do just because we talk about everything like what meals we want, then what else we have to buy, and of course new things we see we have to check out. Well, needless to say it was a good 90 min walk around the store yesterday and let me tell you, by the time we were ready to check out, I was ready to sit down! This little guy felt like he was trying to come out with all the pressure I was feeling down below. No problems, no contractions or anything of the sort, just lots of pressure. And still today I am feeling pressure but not as bad. I'm wondering if my belly or just the baby has dropped already. I don't remember feeling this with my own kids until closer to the end.
I have another doctor appointment on Monday the 12th and will have an ultrasound done then too. The last couple times I've been to the doc he has just seemed too ready to rush out of the room so I hope he will take a bit of time when doing the ultrasound and I have a couple questions for him. I'm sure everything will be fine though, I'm just very excited to see this little guy again.
Well, thats about all I can think of for right now. Need to keep the laundry going and see what else I can find to clean. LOL

30weeks!!!!!!

2005-12-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

Only 10 weeks left now! WOOHOO!
I had my Dr. appt. on Monday Nov. 28th and all is well as expected. The baby's heartbeat once again was nice and strong, blood pressure was good and normal, and my weight gain, well thats another story. At my last appt. the nurse wrote down that I had gained 2lbs more than what the scale said so according to my chart, I have lost 5lbs! And thats with Thanksgiving and all the food I ate that day along with constantly stuffing my face every day anyway. I have no idea how I did that but as long as the baby is good then I'm happy. It just gives me less to lose in the end I guess. So total weight gain is somewhere between 8 and 10lbs. Amazing for me really because with both my girls I gained a good 30-35lbs. I can tell the difference in weight gain between the pregnancies too. This little guy seems to have no room in there already where I didn't feel that way with my girls until the last couple months. Ahh well, I won't complain.
He is still a pretty sweet baby. He was laying transverse for a few days and that was totally uncomfortable but I think hes back to head down right now. He tends to "massage" my bladder which actually hurts and makes it feel like I've got a bladder infection or my bladder is having spasms. LOL But he runs his hand all the way along the bottom of my uterus like he is being sweet and rubbing/massaging me. When he kics, he kicks so hard that my whole upper body jerks. LOL It looks like I've got uncontrolled ticks or something. Thankfully most times it doesn't hurt though. He did find my ribs the other day too. OWIE! I'm not sure if it was a hand or foot that found them because it hurt too much to try and push it away. And he is right under my ribs all the time. If I bend down my ribs feel like they are spreading.
Oh I forgot to mention some more good news from the Dr. Before he measured my belly I asked him again about another ultrasound. He made the tape a little bit longer so I was measuring 31 weeks at 29w3d (Monday). LOL He said it was cutting it close but he would do it anyway soooo the ultrasound is scheduled for Dec. 12th! YAY!!! I can't wait to see this little guy again and if we are able to get some good pictures I will be sure to post a few of them.
Well I had better quit writing for now. I have to move the chinchilla cage somewhere so we can set up our Christmas tree today! Keep checking back here as I will keep updating when I have something to share!
God Bless!
Edited to add my latest belly pic, Its really getting out there now!

28 week update

2005-11-18T05:35:00.000-08:00

I'm late getting here and updating since a week ago today I had my Dr. appt. but here I am anyway.
At my last appointment I had to do the GD test which included drinking 50 day old, warm, flat, and filled with sugar sprite. (Insert gagging smiley here) LOL I truly despise that stuff but oh well, at least its over with. I haven't heard the results of it yet but I'm pretty sure if there was a problem they would have called me by now to let me know I had to come back.
I had my rhogam shot also and I must say, the meds hurt wayyyyyy worse than the stinking needle in the muscle in my bum! Oy vey! It stung so badly I actually had to say ouch. LOL Then of course I had to pee in a cup and have 4 vials of blood drawn but thats almost par for the course now. Thankfully I didn't bruise at either injection sites so thats always a plus in my book!
Again, I heard the heartbeat which sounded really good, it was nice and fast and strong, my little choo-choo train. HEHE I'm measuring right on target too. One thing that got me though was I had only gained 4 pounds since my last visit and the nurse wrote down 6! Phooey on her! So a total, real total, of about 14 pounds since the beginning of the pregnancy. I'm really hoping not to put on too much though because I have to be able to take it off at the end and I know with Kylee I didn't do a very good job at that at all. I still have extra weight from here. UGH.
So, not only do I plan on working out after this little man comes, I am really thinking about pumping my breastmilk because that also aids in losing weight. I would love to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight with my oldest, Ryssa! Thats quite a bit of weight though so it will probably take a while.
I'm also looking into egg donation after this too. I don't know if I want to be a surrogate again so this is a good step down. I would of course do this again if V&K asked me to but I don't know about doing this for another couple. Just have to wait and see how it goes I guess.
As of today, we have 84 days left until the eviction notice is in hand for this little guy. I have a feeling he will come before the due date but not by much. I know once V gets here I'm going to be doing all the walking and extra things I'm not supposed to do to get him to come, within reason of course.
I'm also going to be praying for a quick and easy labor. I hope to be in and out in a days time like I was with Kylee and I'm also hoping for now tearing or cutting and certainly no c-section! I've heard of too many of them lately and it scares me so if everyone says a little prayer for us when the time comes I would appreciate it. I want to feel just awesome after this birth like I did with Kylee.
So thats that for now. I go back to the doc on the 28th and of course every 2 weeks from here on out until 36 weeks. Almost done already......WOW!

26 weeks OMG!!!

2005-11-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it? Today marks 26 weeks of pregnancy and in my eyes puts me in the 3rd trimester! In a matter of speaking, days wise anyway, its all down hill from here! In reality though, these last 3 months are going to be the longest. LOL The baby is going to be growing lots now and using up all the room my body will allow him not to mention maturing his lungs and growing strong enough to come into this world!
These last 6 months have gone by so quickly. I know I've said that before but its like it never slows down. Then again, it might not be such a bad thing if time goes by quickly. That would mean that my most uncomfortable times will go by quickly too!
Ryssa has enjoyed feeling the baby move about andwe have tried to get Kylee to understand and feel it too but she just doesn't get it. She pushes on my belly and puts her hands on it all the time but its usually when hes not moving so of course she can't feel anything. Its ok though. It might be best that she doesn't quite understand because if she understood there was a baby in there then she might not understand that its not ours and not coming home with us. Someday she will understand what all this is about anyway.
I have another Dr. appt next week at 27 weeks exactly. They will be doing more tests like the big gestational diabetes test and a vaginal exam. FUN FUN! What makes it best is that its at 8 in the morning! I'm going to be so sick to my stomach first thing in the morning that day but I'm pretty sure I will pass the tests just fine. I've never had a problem before and with how good I feel I don't expect I will have a problem this time either. Things have gone smoothly so far.
I'm still waiting to hear if we will get another ultrasound but hopefully will know something after my next appointment. I hope they can come up with something so that insurance will cover it and we can have another one. LOL
Thats about it for now I guess. Just one more week and I will have another update! A good one I'm sure!

OUCH!!!

2005-10-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

Last night this little guy was being fiesty!!! He now has room to play that goes nearly up to my ribs. Well lately his thing is to sit right up at the top and its a little uncomfortable. I decided to try and gently push/urge him to move down just a bit with my hand. Now you must know I was more or less just massaging his butt or head, not sure which one it was, with my hand and gently pushing down at the same time. Apparently he didn't like that at all and almost immediately pushed back! OMG It hurt so badly! If I had been looking I swear you would have seen him "pop out" of my belly! He did this 3 times before he finally settled down a little bit farther. What a turkey!!
I thoroughly enjoy feeling him move around and thankfully right now its still not painful, other than last night anyway. He kicks pretty hard but when he hits it isn't as hard. And still moves about quite a bit. He has a day full of energy and then a day where he rests alot. When I lay down at night he wakes up for a few minutes but seems to go back to sleep once I get comfortable and doesn't keep me up or wake me up. My bladder is the one to thank for waking me up at night.
And speaking of waking up at night to pee. Last night was another typical night. I get really thirsty before bed so I end up drinking like 20oz of water before I lay down. I always go potty before bed but it never fails to wake me up a couple hours into sleeping. So I got up last night about 3am to potty and start down the stairs. Little did I know, on the landing just about 5 steps down laid our 100 lb rottweiler! All the lights are off so its pitch black and so is that dog and of course she isn't making any noise nor was she trying to get out of the way. I nearly tripped down the last fight of steps! If it hadn't been for the little storage thing we have right next to that for me to grip, I would have fallen down the steps. GRRRR I was so mad I could hardly get back to sleep. Needless to say, if the dog is in the house at night she will be sleeping in our bedroom or not in the house at all. There is no way I want to fall down the stairs now! I've been so good about not doing that for several years now I don't want to start again. LOL
Our last Dr. appt was good. My blood pressure was great, no weight gain not even 1/2 lb., and the baby sounded great as well. I'm also measuring right on target. I talked to the Dr about another u/s and he said that if he had known that before hand he would have found a way to "fix" the numbers on my chart to show bigger or smaller so he would have a medical reason to do it and insurance would cover it. He doesn't want me to have a huge bill for this. And he was nice enough to write a note in my chart for the nurse practitioner to be on the lookout for something "odd". LOL Such a good guy! I go back in 4 weeks for some more tests including a vaginal exam and the gestational diabetes test with the nurse practitioner. Then I go back to my OB 2 weeks after that and we will be on the 2 week schedule until 36 weeks!
Its amazing to think that we are already this far along. In just a couple weeks I will be in the 3rd trimester and it won't be much longer after that, that we will be meeting this little guy! WOW!

Another day...

2005-10-10T11:34:00.000-07:00

Its just another day in life here really. Last night this little guy was up nearly all night long, after he slept almost all day! LOL He woke up about 8pm and he was still having fun in there at 3am! He already has his days and nights mixed up but I think when hes born it will be a good thing. Here is why: His parents live across the world, they are 7 hours ahead of us right now. If he has his days and nights mixed up here then when he gets home, he should be right on schedule. LOL Oh hes going to be a wild one though.
I talked with V the other day and of course we talked for like an hour. One thing that came up was her feeling the baby move when they come over. She said that she was not very comfortable touching another woman's stomach though. I don't want her to feel that she has to keep her hands to herself. This is her baby and I would love to have her hands on my tummy all day long feeling him move about. Ok so that sounds a little off but think about it. Shes not had the luxury of being pregnant before and really doesn't know what it feels like and this IS her child so feeling it through me is the next best thing. I hope she isn't too uncomfortable with it when the time comes.
I'm still nervous/worried about the D day though. Delivery is so unpredictable and I wish I was comfortable enough to get induced because I seriously don't want V&K to miss any of it. I'm pretty sure V won't miss it but I'm so scared that K will. Another thing is I'm due 4 days after my oldest DD's birthday. I of course want to have a party for her and would love to invite some friends of hers but I'm afraid it will be stressful and land me in labor on her birthday! I have no problem with my DD and this little on sharing a birthday, I just don't want to miss out on my DD's day.
It sucks too that all this is going to happen during the winter, not to mention it will be about the coldest time of winter too. V&K aren't used to the cold like we have here and of course the chance of snow storms is always there. I know V is ok with not spending every waking moment with me but I want to make sure she isn't bored out of her mind here too. There isn't alot in this dinky boring town I live in to do. We are hoping to get together with their former surrogate at some point too but of course everything is weather dependent. I want to take her to the mall of america but then I'm afraid all the walking will put me in labor. LOL
So, for the next few months I have to find things that we can do around here that will keep us busy but not put too much stress on myself. Sounds like fun doesn't it? LOL And yes V, no matter what you say about waiting to do this stuff, I would rather have it all set. It will be less to think about when worrying about this little guy's arrival.

Oh I'm so so so so excited to meet you guys and this little one!!!

Time for an update

2005-10-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm so very very close to 22 weeks right now. Only 2 days to go! Things have been going pretty good. I did get a cold and last friday I also got the flu for about 24 hours. Thankfully it didn't last any longer than that because I hate being miserable and of course I had to take care of Kylee myself because Ansil had to work. Let me tell you it was a long long long day. I was so thankful when Ansil got home from work and right away took the girls to town for supper and to get them out of my hair so I could rest. He didn't get them home until it was almost bed time and he did the pajamas and all that stuff and put them to bed. I was so proud of him.
Then last Saturday we had Kylee's 2nd birthday party and it went good but oh so busy! So many people and kids and boy was I pooped when it was over. But we did go out for a while afterwards just to have fun and what not. We got home late and Sunday it was up again for church and all that. Monday was Kylee's official birthday so we spent the day kinda doting on her and went out for supper which like always turns out to be a disaster. LOL She never wants to just sit and eat and behave, she wants to get into everything and eat everyone elses food. Such is life with a 2yr old.
Tuesday was Ansil and my 3 year anniversary. We spent the day driving! Absolutely nothing special planned but at least we said happy anniversary to each other. LOL Today was another busy day and Kylee had her 2 year check up with the Dr. She has put on a pound in the last couple weeks so that puts her up to 23 lbs! Woohoo! Too bad I'm pretty sure she will lose that pound. LOL She is otherwise healthy though and doing good.
Onto the baby news! A few days ago I was laying in bed on my back watching a little TV before I drifted off to dreamland and felt the baby move a bit. Well, I happened to be looking at my bulgeing belly when he really started rocking and rolling and I got to watch my belly dance! I smiled myself to sleep that night. Then this morning I was standing up looking out the window when I felt him move a bit again. I took a chance to feel him and put my hand where he had kicked and he did it again, like 4 more times! It feels so neat to be able to feel him move so much now yet it feels strange. Not in a bad way but like anything beating you from the inside out would feel. LOL In 1 week we have yet another Dr. appt and of course I'm excited for it. I'm going to try and talk him into giving me another ultrasound sometime in the near future. I want to see the baby again and I'm sure that V&K would love to have some more pictures. I don't know if he will or not but I hope he does. Also I'm going to tell him that because of this being a surrogacy, they need to know almost for certain that this is a baby because they have to have a name within the next few weeks. I hope it works.
So that is the scoop on us right now. Still going strong and doing good. I'm going to end with my first belly picture though. Ignore the stretch marks but I'm sure there will be more! LOL Enjoy!

The halfway mark!

2005-09-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

We are halfway done!!! I can't believe its this far already. Only 20 more weeks to go, if I make it to 40 weeks!
On Tuesday we had the long awaited ultrasound too. Its a boy!!! Not that it mattered either way to V&K as long as the baby was healthy but it sure is nice to know! We, Ansil and I, haven't ever really known the sex of the baby we were having so its a pretty big thrill for us. I don't think this little guy was shy in the least bit. His legs were pretty wide open showing it all. We were able to get a few pictures of his family jewels and the Dr. was 95% sure its a boy. He said there wasn't much that looked like a scrotum and penis. LOL
So, I'm happy to report a healthy happy baby boy and I was even happier that I was able to tell V&K myself. V and I talked for an hour about really everything. Its so great when we have time to chat like that though it was getting so late for her. We talked about them having another child and I know that V would love to but K was shaking his head no. She did offer to let me talk with him to try and convince him though. LOL I really have no idea if they will or not but it would be awesome to do this again for them.
We talked just a little about me doing this again but I've not decided either way right now. I'm thinking if I do it again it won't be right away. I want some time to focus on life and my family and get back to the body I want. Focusing on surrogacy really takes alot out of you and everything involved too.
I'm excited about this pregnancy but I'm excited to be done too. I want V&K to be able to spend some time with their new baby and I can't wait to hand this little one over to them.

19 Weeks!!!

2005-09-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

Here we are at 19 weeks and I'm nervous like you wouldn't believe! Its been 6 1/2 weeks since I've been to see the Dr., though I did have the triple test done about a week ago but that was just a quick trip to the lab so they could draw some blood. The results came back negative which means everything is good still which makes me feel good, kinda. I don't know if its just me being crazy old me or what but I don't feel the baby move as much as I did. I just get so stinking nervous about everything. I don't want anything to be wrong at all, ever.

Anyway, we only have about 3 days from right now until I see the Dr for the level 2 ultrasound which will hopefully tell us the gender of this little bean!!! I'm so excited for that and I've been counting down and trying to keep busy so the time goes by quickly. And busy we have been!

My little baby had to go to the Dr herself a couple days ago because she was wheezing and grunting like she couldn't breathe! Turns out she has some bronchial something or other, like the start of pneumonia. So, now she is on a nebulizer 3 times a day until she feels better and an antibiotic for 10 days to make sure if it was bacterial we could get rid of it. She goes back to the Dr. on Wed. for a recheck.

Needless to say, life has been nuts around here and I've been dealing with alot of it myself because Ansil has been working. I am trying not to stress too much for obvious reasons and I believe I've been doing good. And of course I'm resting like crazy with my daily naps. LOL I know I'm lazy but, well you know it makes no sense really because I don't have to rest while I can. I will be able to rest alot after the baby is born too. LOL Oh well.

Ryssa now knows that I'm pregnant and during a conversation the other day about where I had my babies at (the hospital in town) she commented that I was "giving this baby away". GRRRR It makes me mad to hear that though I know she doesn't quite understand it all. I'm not so sure if she would or not but I don't want her to go around telling everyone that I'm just giving babies away. This very much loved baby is going BACK to its parents when its ready to live outside of the womb. This was NEVER "my" baby and she has known this since day 1. I think its time to have a long long long talk with her. She needs to understand that wonderful thing that I'm able to offer K&V, at least to some extent.

Well, I think thats enough rambling for now. Kylee is trying to talk to someone on the phone, probably calling china or something. LOL

Things that make you go hmmmm...

2005-09-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Since my most recent chat with V I've had something on my mind. This pregnancy just seems so different than my own. I'm not sure what it is though. Besides the obvious things like morning sickness etc. Is it possible to feel attached yet unattached? Is it because this isn't "my" child? I don't really know the answer to this. I feel the baby move about now and again, mostly at night and I get so excited and happy about it, kinda like I did with my own. But I don't tell people, not even Ansil really. I've of course told V&K and I'm more than happy to share everything with them. I just feel, or maybe its not that I feel it, but I do hide everything from everyone around me. I've still not completely told my kids, of course Kylee wouldn't understand anyway. Ryssa knew what I was away from home for but I never told her I was pregnant. I guess I really should but I don't know when.
Then again, I need to make her understand that under no circumstances is this baby coming home with us or is it ours. I want my kids to spend a little time with the baby when its born before they all go home, but I haven't expressed this with V&K yet, nor have I asked for any me and baby time.
I'm worried, for no reason I'm sure, that they will think badly of me or that I am having second thoughts or something like that. And I'm totally not, not even close. But this baby will have been inside me for 9 months and no matter what there will always be that "bond" for me. It will be hard enough to say good-bye not knowing when or if I will ever see the baby again but to do that without properly saying good-bye the way I'm sure I will need to I think will be too much to handle for me. I never think that V&K will forget about me or not send pictures or anything like that but they live sooooooo far away theres just no telling if meeting up again will happen.
HA HA all this is probably coming out because I'm so stinking emotional right now but either way, its the way I feel.
V&K, I know that you read this and I hope I haven't given you anything to worry about because you really don't need to worry. You are absolutely wonderful people and I'm still very blessed to have met you and been given the chance to carry, care for, and love your child for the first 9 months of its life. Thank you so much for that!
I wish I could give you both great big hugs right now.

Can you believe it???

2005-08-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

I know, I mean I KNOW that I am feeling this baby move around now! This little baby is having a party in there! Especially tonight! Here it is, after 11 at night and I'm feeling it nearly constantly! I couldn't be more excited. But I have to feel bad because my poor V can't feel it. She said today that she wished she could and I'm not sure if she meant it as wishing she could be pregnant feeling it herself or just feel it on the outside. Either way I felt bad after I told her. I mean, how would I feel to hear someone tell me that they were able to "feel" my baby moving and I couldn't?
I dunno and I don't want to dwell on bad thoughts so I will leave it at that.
Anyway, I feel absolutely wonderful but I do have to say, all these "little" movements I've been feeling do get rather annoying after 2 hours of it! LOL But it is nice to know that this little one is still kicking and living it up in there! V&K, you are going to have a mover and a shaker on your hands! I hope you are getting lots and lots of sleep because you are going to need all the energy you can possibly get when this one comes and starts moving around! LOL

Love you guys!
April

I'm so slack sometimes

2005-08-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

So many things have gone on since my last post I should have updated a hundred times already! Now I won't be able to remember half of it all.
Anyway, things have been going pretty good. My Dr. didn't change my prenatal vitamins so thats a good thing. I kinda like the ones I'm on already and they are pretty cheap too. LOL I had my appt with the nurse practitioner and had the vaginal swab and all that done though I don't know why since I've already had all that stuff done like 10-fold in the past 8 months! Oh well, its over with now. We tried to hear the heartbeat with the doppler but no luck. I was a little worried but I tried not to think about it. V kept me pretty upbeat, like she usually does. LOL

Then it was fair week and we were out there all but 2 days and I ate like a pig! But it was sooooooo yummy! I didn't gain any weight though which is a good thing. I walked alot out there though so its all good. I was scheduled for my appt with my regular OB Dr. that Friday but I got there late and he had already left! I was so upset that when I left there I bawled my eyes out. I just had this nagging feeling that something was wrong and was really looking forward to seeing him. I talked the nurse into scheduling me again really soon so I only had to wait until the next Tuesday. Of course it seemed to take forever to get here but it did and all is well. We heard the h/b and it sounded nice and strong. Considering I was over 13 weeks at the time the Dr. said, don't come back in 4 weeks like normal, come back in 5 weeks and we will do the u/s!!! I nearly jumped up and kissed him when he told me that. I can't believe time is going by so quickly though. I mean, in a mere 5 weeks I will be almost halfway done already! But then I sit back and think, man 5 weeks is a long time from now! LOL I'm driving myself crazy but oh well.

I "think" I've been feeling the baby move around a bit. But its more like he/she is just moving a BIG bubble around in there, not the actual baby movements. Soon though, I have to start feeling this little one. I'm so anxious to feel it! I also am not showing yet! Can you believe it? I know that with Kylee I was showing by now so this is odd for me. I shouldn't complain because once I start showing I'm going to blow up like a balloon like I did with both of mine so I should be happy I'm still "normal". (I can't say small because I'm not really small, but not huge either.) Its getting uncomfortable sleeping on my stomach now. I can really feel the "bubble" in my gut and when I lay on my stomach, it feels like its coming out my back! Ansil thinks I'm just nuts, well of course I am, but thats another story. LOL He wouldn't understand though because he's male!

Other than that, I feel pretty good and things are going pretty good. I can't wait for the u/s though!

The nuchal translucency test

2005-07-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I hope you all know that I'm going to report nothing but the best news! LOL Everything so far from just the ultrasound anyway, looked absolutely awesome!!!! The baby is measuring at 12 weeks, which is about 5 days ahead of schedule and the NT was less than 1 which is great too! I had to have blood drawn which was being sent to a lab and there they measure 2 proteins in my blood and those results coupled with the u/s results will say there could or could not be a chance of the baby having downs. I'm going to say that all is well and the baby will be healthy as ever!

Now, it took the u/s tech a whole hour to get the baby in the right position to measure the NT, which is like a pocket of fluid at the back of the baby's neck. He needed to see the nasal bone AND the spinal cord at the same time. When we got there the baby was doing good and just as he was about to measure it the baby moved. So he pushed a bit on the baby (my tummy) to try and get it to move and no luck. He had me cough a few times to try and no luck with that. Sooo, he tried a couple more times to push it around and the little stinker rolled over on its stomach and curled in a ball!! LOL Oh that was so cute and so funny. I had to roll over on my side for a few minutes to see if that worked and it did.......a little but not enough. Then I had to fill up with loads of water AGAIN, about 20 oz I would say. And finally he was able to get what he needed. The genetic consultant said that based just on V's age the baby had a 1 in 450 chance of having downs which amounts to about 99.75% NOT. This is very good news.

And, in all this I did ask if he was going to be nice enough to give us some pictures of the baby and he said he sure would as long as it cooperated. LOL He would have anyway but it was funny.
So, V&K, since I know you are so anxious to see this little one and the u/s tech said that they scan really nicely (which I had done with my own) I scanned one of the pictures so here you go before it comes to you in the mail! I hope you enjoy it because I know I smile every time I look at it. Love you guys!!!!

Just some thoughts

2005-07-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

Some people really amaze me. Since I'm so close to the end of the 1st trimester now I'm feeling more comfortable and open with telling people that I'm a surrogate. We visited with some friends we hadn't seen in a while this weekend and of course got offered alcohol. Naturally I declined, I don't drink too much anyhow but then comes the question as to why. So I start off by telling them that I'm pregnant. No biggie, there are times that I don't want to jump right into the specifics. Before we left we got told by one of the older friends that he hopes we have a healthy baby. I don't know why but I blurted out that it wasn't ours. LOL Oh the look on his face, it was priceless! He kind of shook his head and said what? I'm confused, please explain that to me. I did and told him that biologically this isn't "our" child and that I'm carrying it for some friends. To my utter amazement he got a great big grin on his face and said that is wonderful thats just so great and on and on and on!
I haven't come across one person yet who has said anything other than what I'm doing is great and they are proud of me for doing it. And you know, I'm proud of myself too. Its not always easy especially when we are so terribly far apart. I feel just horrible that I, or more like we, will get to experience the first movements of the baby, the ultrasounds first hand and all that stuff. I'm already dreading telling V that I can feel the baby move and that others can feel it and things like that. I know that may sound silly but V is so in love with the baby already, in my mind I think that it has to be doubly hard not to be close to me to experience these things. Ok, so she is going to think I'm crazy to think all this but I know she will understand. Ok, enough sad thoughts before I make myself cry.
On a good note, after I made my last entry I received an email from K. Its not very often that I talk with him so its always a great pleasure to hear from him too. Well, his email simply said, "You made my day". That was enough to keep my smiling big and wide all day long. I can't say it enough, these are some of the most wonderful loving and caring people I have ever met! I don't know the words to describe how I feel most times but I do know that I never want to lose contact with V&K.
I'm ready to have this baby right now. Not because I want to get back to normal life, if there is such a thing, but because I'm so anxious to see their faces and hand their baby back to them. I can already see the love there and I'm so honored that they chose me, ME of all the people in the world, to carry and take care of their baby until its ready for life outside of the womb.

Boy, that was some deep thinking for the day and its only 10 am! LOL With that I'm going to end this one. I've got a little one of my own that is chatting my ears off and some other work to do.
God bless your day!

Its been a while

2005-07-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

So I figured I would write a quick little update. As of today I am 10 weeks pregnant! I can't believe I'm already that far along. This is just so cool!
I've been feeling much much better. The morning sickness seems to be going away thankfully and other than being so darn hot here lately I feel great! Now if I could keep my weight gain to a minimum. I really want to work out with some special pregnancy videos but with it being so hot I don't want to risk getting over heated or anything like that. I might give it a try in a couple weeks. Maybe it won't be as deadly hot then but this is MN so its hard to say.

I'm still on all my meds, the estrogen, progesterone and HCG shots. Not a big problem really but I will be soooo glad when I don't have to try and remember all this stuff each day. Only 2 more weeks left! WOOHOO

Also, I have my first OB appt. on July 27th but I'm sure it won't be too eventful. Hopefully they will let me hear the heartbeat again though. Then on July 25th I have a special test called a nuchal translucency test. I've never had one before but I do hope everything is ok and I'm actually pretty sure it will be. Its a long ultrasound and I have been told I can bring 1 adult but absolutely NO kids. Thankfully my friend said she would watch the kids for me so Ansil could go with me. I don't really want to be alone but of course I will if I have to. I also have to talk with an genetisist that day, or at least I think thats what they are called. So that will be a long day. I'm going to try my hardest to get some pictures of the baby from the tech though. I'm excited since I can't feel the baby move yet.

I think thats it for now so I will leave it at that. As always, if there is any news I will definitely write as soon as possible.

Not alot to tell yet

2005-06-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've done 3 HCG shots so far. The first one I thought was going to permanently disable my leg though! Oh it hurt so bad even 2 days after the shot and its just a little one. How sad is that? LOL Other than that they have been going fine. Thankfully I only have to do them every 3 days though.
I'm tired, crabby, hormonal/moody, and today a little crampy. My stomach has been feeling pretty good though so I'm hoping and praying that it stays that way. I would love to get through this pregnancy without my terrible reflux acting up. No morning sickness but I'm just 6 weeks and 1 day today. That could start at any time too and its something I've never experienced before and I don't really want to! I would prefer to keep my stomach contents right where they are. :D
Still waiting for the ultrasound which is STILL 2 WEEKS AWAY! Its a good thing I'm not holding my breath waiting for it! Why oh why can't the time fly by now?
Well so far thats about it I guess. Not much is really happening for us yet. Hope to have more news soon.

I guess its time for an update

2005-06-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

Monday June 6th I went and had the quantatative beta test to make sure that the positive hpt's that I was getting were real. It was awesome news that day. The beta results were 403.7 which means that I am VERY PREGNANT!!!!!! V&K have been floating on cloud nine since the first positive hpt but went even higher when they got that news and I was blessed enough to have been chatting with them when I called the clinic too so I got to give them the good news. Friday I was finally able to make my appt. for the ultrasound to see/hear the heartbeat. That will be June 29th at 1:20pm. Its a ways off and I was really hoping to get in earlier but this way we will know for sure that the heartbeat will be there so its ok. I will be 2 days away from being 8 weeks along at the time. As of today I'm 5weeks and1 day. (I've got a little ticker that counts down for me)
No morning sickness really, just a little nausea during the day and that doesn't happen every day either. The last couple days I have been feeling awesome! Not even all that tired but today is a different story. I got up this morning after a good 8 hours of sleep and after being up for a couple hours running errands I was yawning and just didn't want to move. I got a quick like 20 min. nap when we got home but then Kylee jumped on my head so I was up again. Am ready for the day to be over now and we are almost there. Other than that I'm so hot all the time! Even in the a/c I'm burning up. Poor Ansil could be freezing and I'd still be on the warm side. I truly hopt this summer isn't too terribly hot because I don't think I will make it.
I think we will be getting a pool so that would be great on the really hot days not just for myself but for the kids too. Plus, it would give us something else to do and an excuse to be out in the scorching heat. LOL
I don't know if I will have much more to say until the u/s but I will be sure to write if I do.
Some wishes really do come true.... :)

The best news ever

2005-06-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day of celebration but I had to be cautious. You see, sometimes things can go wrong and it won't be the same the next day or even the day after that.
I've been praying and hoping and asking for the same for everyone around me that this transfer was THE ONE, and the 1 little but excellent embryo we transferred would find that comfy spot to stick around for 9 months. Its been hard, much like a rollercoaster ride with emotions up and down. Stress has been at its worst for everyone involved. This was our last shot and it just had to work!
V asked me if I was going to test before the official beta test. At the time I reall didn't know but I was leaning towards no just because the negative tests would have broken my heart each and every time. But when I got home, I bought 2 tests. I said I was going to take one early and see the negative to get it out of the way and then I was going to to do the second one closer to the beta date. Well, C talked me into buying different tests so I did. And then I used one yesterday late afternoon. Below is the results of the test.

Judging by the results on the test, its looking like I am, as of today, 12 days pregnant!!!!!!!!!!
V, I want to apologize for testing when you didn't want me to. I just couldn't wait and right now, I'm kind of glad that I didn't. This was the very best thing I could have seen and have been busting wanting to tell you!

Its about time I write again!!!

2005-05-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

Geez I can't believe its been so long!
Well so much has happened since the last post. V&K&S all had to come over to Canada for the last week of monitoring and egg retrieval. V did awesome on her meds and because of that I'm going to have to be calling her a chicken. That little lady produced 17 good eggs, 16 went on to be fertilized and they are guessing that 4 or5 will go on to be blasts!!!! WOOHOO GOOOO V!

So, I made my long all day trek to Canada on Monday the 23rd. And come Tuesday morning at 11am we transferred one as good as you can get embryo into a very healthy and thickly lined uterus! I'm so very excited. Dr. Virro said the embryo couldn't be any better, I looked great and he thinks this one will be the one! I do hope hes right. V&K very much are ready to hear some good news and I want to give it to them. And because of that, if my BETA test is good, I want to be the one to call them and tell them we are expecting.

The BETA test isn't until June 6th so I still have lots of time. I haven't decided if I'm going to do any HPTs or not. The last time everytime I saw a negative I felt worse and I don't know if I want to go through that again. Yeah I know I will probably do it anyway but still. Its going to be hard if they are all negative again.

Ok, so I will really update when I have something new to report!

Love feeling like a pharmacy

2005-05-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

So I've been on meds for 4 days now. I haven't been too bad with hormones yet and I'm very thankful for that.
I started out on Lupron like I knew I would be but what I didn't know was they were going to have me start with the Estrace too! So, since Monday I've been taking my Lupron .1cc and 2 Estrace pills, then on the 11th I started taking 3 Estrace pills with my Lupron. All these things are just fine, I'm not looking forward to taking the progesterone suppositories, of which I just got 120 more!! Yes I will be back taking 4 of them every day until I'm 12 weeks pregnant. YUCK! But, if it works and we end up with a healthy baby its all worth it.

I can't wait for this transfer, its going to be a very positive one, I can just feel it.

The only bad news is that poor V&K&S have to come over to Canada this time. V was planning on coming by herself but Dr. Virro requested that K come with too so they could have a fresh semen sample too. Therefore, little S has to go with too. They leave Sunday, will be in Canada for 1 week and go home the 22nd. Unfortunately, I won't be able to meet them when they are in Canada because I don't go up there until the 23rd. But this is ok. We will still have a chance to meet at some point.

Anyway, we are just waiting right now to see how well V is doing on her meds and how many eggies they will get this time. They are still planning on transfering only 1 embryo of excellent quality. This just HAS to work this time.

I will keep updating as soon as I have something new to say.

AF came to visit today

2005-05-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

So now I'm officially cycling too! I'm so very excited and so is V. When I told her that AF was here she said "wow, you really are like clockwork!" LOL Yeah, I usually am so this is a good thing, I just wish that I never had to get it again. Now that would be nice. :)
Anyway, since nobody ever told me what my protocol really was I have no idea how much Lupron I'm supposed to start with. I could guess and just go off my last protocol but I have no idea if they want to change all that or not so I will wait until tomorrow morning and call IARC and see what they say. Starting on day 2 shouldn't be a big deal as thats what I did the first time too.
In just a few short weeks we will be having our first and last fresh transfer and I'm so excited yet nervous. I so very much hope that it works. V&K really really want another baby and I want just as much to give them another to love. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Cycling again!

2005-05-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

Well V was able to start her meds this past Friday the 29th! She will be on them for about 4 weeks and then have the retrieval. All we need is one good embryo to put in and we are good to go. They have decided that they only want to put one in as long as its excellent quality but if its not as good a quality then they will put 2 in.
Even though I'm scared to have multiples myself, I was kinda hoping they would put 2 in anyway just to make sure that we had the best odds of becoming pregnant with this try. But its not up to me what they do. Maybe we will have one great quality and one so-so and they will put both in anyway. LOL Who knows what will happen when the time comes though.

Right now I'm waiting for the med protocol for myself and we should have it tomorrow. Then all I have to wait for is my period to start and we are well on our way. I sure hope they do something good with my meds this time and change them around so that my lining is thick enough! Boy will I be upset if its not!

I just got news yesterday that the woman I've been dealing with since day 1 at IARC is leaving for good on Friday. This is a big change for me and one I'm not totally comfortable with, mostly because its so sudden and they know every personal detail about me. They girl that will be taking her place is supposed to be familiar with our "case" but you just never know. Hopefully we won't have to work with IARC too closely after the transfer though. Another wait and see thing I guess.

I will keep everything updated when I have more info.

Finally theres something to say

2005-04-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I got an email while I was gone this past weekend saying that K&V had finally talked to Cr. Virro! Great news in itself but whats even better is that we are starting to cycle again! V can start her meds as soon as she starts her cycle which from what they said was in just a couple days at the most. I'm not sure when I will be starting or anything like that but I'm sure I will find out soon.
Anyway, we are looking for a fresh transfer at the end of May and the best part is that Dr. Virro said that because its a fresh transfer the thickness of my lining wasn't as big of an issue as it was with the frozen transfer. YAY!!!
I hope that tomorrow I will find out what my next step is and when everything will start. I'm so excited and anxious. I was really hoping to have this baby just before Christmas but it won't be too much longer after Christmas that they will have a healthy baby to take home so all is well.

I can't wait to get going again and keep posting with all the news of a wonderful pregnancy!

Its over again

2005-04-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the day for my official beta test to find out if it worked and it was negative. Well, actually the clinic gave me the wrong test so I have to go back again tomorrow to get the right one but I started my period anyway. I really didn't want to see that but theres nothing I can do.

Its been a very rough and emotional day today and I'm going to be so thankful when its finally over with. Hopefully tomorrow will start off better and the sun will shine again soon.

Dr. Virro, or more like the coordinator at the clinic Helen, doesn't want us to start taking meds right away to go ahead and do a fresh transfer so we, V and I, are very frustrated. Well, more so than we were anyway. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to scream and throw myself on the floor and throw a fit over all the bad news we keep getting. We just have to get some good news soon. From the sounds of it though we are looking for a fresh transfer sometime in May, probably the very end of it or very beginning of June. V has to have a phone conference with Dr. Virro and hopefully he will call her tomorrow or the next day but it could be next week too.

So, thats that for now. We are in waiting mode once again....

I'm home!

2005-04-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

The weather in Canada was horrible yesterday morning and I had fears of my flight being canceled and not getting home until today. Well, part of my fears came true. I got to the airport and my first flight had been canceled! I was going to break down and cry right there. I've never wanted to get home so badly in my life I don't think. LOL
Anyway, I asked the lady working there what to do next and said that my final destination was Minneapolis and what a sweetheart she was! She put me on a direct flight to Minneapolis!!!! I had to wait an extra 20 mins or so to get on the plane but flying time was only 1 hour and 20 mins. I was back in Minneapolis at 3:40pm.
My mom being the nut that she is was driving around the WRONG terminal waiting for me! LOL They got me about 20 past 4 which was fine. They took me out to eat before we got to town too and I was able to see the look on my dad's face when he walked through the door at his surprise party! It was so great.
At almost 2 am when we left the party we stopped at Wal-mart so I could buy some pregnancy tests too. Ansil looked at me funny but he agreed to do it anyway. I told him I just couldn't wait, I had to get them. LOL
And of course, I tested today already. I couldn't help it though, I'm so anxious. I'm only 4 days past the transfer so I knew it was early and of course it was negative but thats ok. I've already got some early signs BUT the progesterone I have to take can also mimick pregnancy signs so I'm trying not to put too much hope on those.
Our official pregnancy/beta test is on April 11th but I know that if I get a positive pregnancy test I will be telling K&V right away! There is just no way that I would be able to keep it a secret for more than 2 seconds! LOL

Hopefully more great news coming soon!

So much to update right now!

2005-03-30T12:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I flew to Canada and finally got in about 7pm. I was all by myself and I was so nervous about flying I almost made myself sick before I even got on the darn plane. The closer we got to the airport the more my hands started shaking.
Anyway, the flights, yes I was on 2 planes, a big one and then this tiny little puddle jumper, were great though. I fought through my nervousness and what not and actually enjoyed them for the most part.
This morning was the transfer. I was told a few days ago that it would be at 9:30 am and to be at the clinic no later than 9:20 with a full bladder. I had to drink 30 oz. of fluids one hour before the transfer. So I get up, shower and drink about 25 oz of water an hour before the transfer time. Call a cab and I'm there by 9:15. I didn't want to wait too long to go in so I tried to get there as close to the time as possible. I let the girls know that I'm there and take a seat. And sit and sit and sit. FINALLY, at 10:30 I get called back, have to go down 4 flights of stairs to another room. There I'm told to strip down so she can check to make sure my bladder is full. Of course it was full! LOL
Then I had to wait another 30 mins for the doctor to come in and finally do the transfer at 11:05am. The one lone ranger embryo that they had thawed very nicely. They said the quality was between good and excellent so thats awesome news! The doctor, who wasn't Dr. Virro because he is once again out of town, did the transfer and said everything looked good. I had to lay there for about 15 mins afterwards then I got shuffled to another room to lay down for another 20 minutes so they could do another transfer for someone else.
Finally, after all that time at about 11:45 I got to empty my bladder!!!!!!!! Talk about relief I tell ya. They had offered me a little dixie cup to pee in to get a little bit out but I told them that if I started going I wouldn't be able to stop. LOL
Anyway, I'm back in my hotel room now. Been relaxing on the bed, feeling very lazy but I know that I need to. Thankfully, I've got a laptop so I can get online thanks to the hotel offering wireless internet in every room. This is a great place to stay, I have to say that. I'm on bedrest today and tomorrow but I'm sure I will need to get up and get a couple minutes of fresh air and something to eat in the restaurant at some point.
Don't worry V&K, it won't be for very long I promise, I just need to get some fresh air for a few minutes.
V called me about 40 mins after I got back in the hotel room. She was very excited and nervous as is K and I can't blame them. I'm going to take great care of this little guy or girl and WE ARE GOING TO BE PREGNANT! LOL Having a Christmas baby.
Thats about it for now. I won't be peeing until I get back home. In fact, as soon as I get into town I'm buying a whole stock of pregnancy tests! LOL
I will update with anything as soon as I can.

Getting worried now.

2005-03-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

I'm on day 4 of getting blood taken and if it doesn't show by tomorrow that I've ovulated then I'm going to totally miss my dad's party. I know its kinda selfish but he only turns 50 once and will only have 1 party.
Anyway, I had a couple ovulation predictor strips left that I bought last month and I used one on Monday just to see and it was VERY faint. I used my last one today and the line is almost as dark as the control line so I'm praying that I'm very very close! What I got told today was that they hadn't received the results of the E2 today yet but so far there was no sign of ovluation yet. I'm hoping that since the coordinator at the clinic now has my email addy she will email me when she is in tomorrow morning and let me know what it looks like now.
I'm going to go crazy with all this stuff now. If I don't know for sure tomorrow that I've ovulated then I have no idea how I'm going to get in contact with my doctor to do an ultrasound or if he will even do it over the weekend. This is terribly frustrating and I'm trying to chill out and wait but its hard. Hope to know more tomorrow.....

The human pincushion...

2005-03-23T20:37:00.000-08:00

Well I'm on day 3 of my estradiol and LH tests and I'm really starting to feel like a human pincushion. The first day was just fine. I've had blood drawn many many times so it wasn't anything to have it done again. Well the second day comes and I get a new gal doing it and she used the exact same spot from the day before to get blood from and OMG it hurt so bad! I went this morning, got the same girl as yesterday and told her she really needed to use the other arm today. LOL Have no idea what is in store for me tomorrow but I won't be letting them use the same spot as today. Its still sore and that was over 12 hours ago as of right now.
I'm hoping I only have 2 more days MAX of blood draws and then its time for the ultrasound to measure my lining again and as long as thats good we are well on our way to transfer time. YAY!
I am leaving on the 29th and the tickets say I'm coming home on the 2nd but that could very well change if I don't ovulate in the next day or 2. Lets hope and pray that ovulation comes tomorrow because I'm ready to be done being poked and to move on to pregnancy. Oh yeah, and I'm going alone this time so say an extra prayer that I don't get lost. LOL

First test today!

2005-03-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

This morning I went in and had my first E2 (estradiol) test. It was just a quick blood draw and thats it! At first they said it would take 4 hours to get the results but this morning I got told that it would only take an hour. Not sure which it is because of course they never called me so I'm waiting to hear if they did get the results and to make sure they were faxed to Dr. Virro. I hope they were and I'm pretty sure they were but you never can tell so I have to check! LOL

I did another home test this morning myself so I would have an idea of when I would ovulate myself since they aren't going to call me and it said no but I do have the hormones in my system so I know it will be soon. As long as its on or after Wed of this week I will be happy. I don't want to be gone for Easter and I want to be home by April 2nd so those dates will work good. LOL Now watch, I will ovulate before or after Wed, Thurs, or Friday and will miss something! It would be my luck but if thats the case then so be it. We are trying to make a baby here! LOL

Well I heard from the clinic and they said the info got faxed and they received confirmation that it got there. This is good news and now I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm positive that they will do a great job.
And my flight is booked now. Leaving on March 29th and coming back April 2nd. Now we just have to wait and see when I ovulate to find out the day of the transfer.

We may have a date....

2005-03-18T01:03:00.000-08:00

It looks like we have a VERY tentative date for the transfer. March 30th or 31st. HOPEFULLY! I want to be back in time to celebrate with my dad.
Anyway, I'm getting nervous right now because the lady at the agency put doubts into my head!!! I'm so upset about that. She now is telling me that I don't have a 28 day cycle and that I will ovulate later than expected and therefore have to stay later than I really want to. To make matters worse, I might have to go by myself this time too. It wouldn't be so bad except 5 whole LONG days by myself not being able to go anywhere and being so far away... Needless to say I'm going to be bored out of my mind! LOL
We will just have to wait and see how it goes though. Somehow it will work out again just like it always does. BUT this time, we ARE going to have a transfer and so help me, that little bug is going to snuggle in and stay put for the next 9 mths! Thats what I'm, all of us, are hoping for. This is a very special and much wanted little embryo. Lets take our hopes a little bit farther and hope for a little girl too! LOL
As long as its healthy and happy, I will be happy.
Ahhh, just a little more waiting and then some more waiting and hopefully another 9 months of waiting.

Smile! It makes people wonder what you are up to! :)

Holy Hormones!

2005-03-12T18:20:00.001-08:00

WOW! I think I did MUCH better when I was actually taking extra hormones than I am today. I can't believe how horrible I've been. Heck, I don't even want to be around myself today if that gives you any idea how bad it is.
My poor kids got yelled at all day, I don't know if I said more than 5 words to Ansil and I blew off work for fear I would really offend someone! LOL

I'm on an antibiotic for my ear infection, and nasal spray for decongestant. Thats it, so I know it has to be my hormones. I felt it coming, I just had no idea it would be this horrible.

Anyway, I think I have everything worked out with the clinic to start testing for ovulation. They said the lab is open on Sundays so starting on CD10 shouldn't be a problem and they do ultrasounds on weekends too so getting that done had better not be a problem either! LOL It looks like we are a go with everything so far and I hope and pray that my lining actually gets nice and fluffy on its own. Now if these hormones would go away......I might actually be able to enjoy the good news!

Always something

2005-03-10T23:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it just figures! I've been sitting here with cramps patiently awaiting the arrival of the dreaded witch and now I think I've ended up with an ear infection! Where in the world did that come from? I have no clue but it sure is annoying and painful. Everytime I swallow, it hurts in my ear. When I breathe in, I can feel the cold air IN my ear and I've been feeling this way for 8 days now. So, tomorrow, its off to the clinic I go whether they want me to come or not. Its gotten worse today and now its making my whole ear hurt. Too many doc appts for me lately. Oh, and guess what? There are many many more to come! LOL Lucky me.

I wish AF would just show up now. My patience is running thin. We've waited long enough, its time something good happened to us and boy am I going to be upset if this first try doesn't work. The Lord works in mysterious ways.........

I think I missed something.....

2005-03-07T15:54:00.000-08:00

LOL Well, I started testing to see when I ovulate and I think I missed the day!!! I tested all the way up to day 19 of my cycle and still nothing. Now I know for a fact that I ovulate before then so I decided to just quit testing. When this cycle starts the doctors will do the testing with blood tests everyday until the day I ovulate.
Right now I'm having all the classic signs of the onset of AF but thats it. If it decides to come a little early, like tomorrow, I certainly won't complain. If it came now, we would definitely be back in time for my dad's 50th birthday party. If it comes when we expect it then we might have to miss it. I don't really want to but if thats what we have to do to make this baby then lets do it! LOL I'm ready to try again like yesterday so I'm not so patiently waiting right now. The time can't seem to go by fast enough and I've been trying to stay as busy as possible.

So, now its back to trying to stay busy and make the time go by. Until next time........

Going to start testing.....

2005-02-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

Well, on Thursday I'm going to start testing every day, and I think twice a day, to see when I ovulate. I'm pretty darn sure I know when I do, only because I've hit it twice already with no help and only one shot! LOL But I'm going to find out for sure so that I know when I need to start going to the clinic for their testing on my next cycle. I don't want to have to go for more than 4 or 5 days because it will ultimately be a pain in the rear with the kids and what not. But of course, I will gladly do what I need to do to see this through.

Of course there is some bad news. My great friend C, who had her second transfer Feb. 9th, found out today that it didn't work again. She's in the pits right now and I'm right there with her. I feel so awful for her and her IP's. I hope that things went well for you guys during your talk and that everything was all worked out. C, no matter what you decide to do, I'm right there behind you cheering you on, and if you EVER need a shoulder to cry on, call me. I'm always around and will give you the time you want/need to talk. Great big HUGS!

Now, back to some pretty good news. I talked with the lady at the agency yesterday and she said that they had already figured out how to go about doing everything if our frozen transfer doesn't work so that we are still in the time frame needed for insurance. Which means that my IM will have to have her testing pretty much done by the time we do our transfer so she can start meds ASAP and then we can have our fresh transfer within the 2 month mark. Though we are still hoping that the frozen works, we know the reality of it is its VERY slim, even more so since we only have 1 embryo to work with. I hope and pray that it works because I don't want V&K to have to wait any longer than they already have. We will just have to wait until April to see how it goes though. I should know by my birthday if it worked and April really is a great month! Haven't I said that before? LOL

Night night everyone.

It didn't turn out right :(

2005-02-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

Ok. Well, here's the story. We made the flight to Canada and got to the doc. appt on time Friday morning. I was still in high hopes of everything being alright. I mean, heck it had been 10 days since my lining check, surely it would have changed in that amount of time and I only had 2mm to go. I went in for the ultrasound and the tech said that it was still pretty thin. I knew right then what she meant but I still hung on that it was going to be ok. About 15 mins later Dr. Virro came and called me in his office. It was canceled as my lining hadn't changed at all in that time. :( I was crushed, confused, feeling guilty, and a ton of other emotions. He did say that I had a beautiful and perfect uterus though, even if it wasn't much of a consolation at the time. To try and make light of the situation I told him I didn't know about all that but its worked just fine for me! LOL
Anyway, we left the clinic and went back to the motel. We hadn't had breakfast yet so we went to eat and about 5 minutes before we returned to our room K had called me. What a sweetie! He left a nice message for me saying that we just had some bad luck and not to worry. Well, he called back a few hours later and I was able to talk to him on the phone for the first time! He is just as wonderful as V and was super supportive and understanding of how I was feeling. And of course, he told me that it was ok and that I didn't need to worry or feel bad.

Ansil and I took a much needed nap and then went for like a 5 mile walk around the town. We really didn't get anywhere special but it was nice to get out of the motel room. Ansil and I spent some much needed time "bonding". Something we haven't had time to do in quite a while.
On our way back we stopped and ate since we had skipped lunch and it was almost supper time. Well, just before we got back V had called. Bless her. Once again, we had just missed her call but she promised that she would call the next day. True to her word, she called bright and early. LOL Though she did get me out of bed and I told her she didn't, I wasn't worried because I had already slept later than I had wanted to. As soon as I heard her voice though I wanted to bust out in tears. Being the sweetheart that she is, she supported me and talked me through it. She told me that they are looking forward to the next try already and that everything will be ok.

Dr. Virro has decided that we are going to try a natural cycle. This means that I won't be taking any meds until after the transfer and all I will be taking are the progesterone suppositories. The only difference is that starting about day 10 of my cycle I will need to go to the clinic every day to get checked for ovulation for about 4-5 days. Once I have ovulated, then 5 days later we will have the transfer or try it again. Oh yeah, I have to have another ultrasound in there to to once again check my stubborn lining. The only set back is that he wants us to skip this cycle and start on the next one. This means that we are looking to have the transfer in the very beginning of April. Now I know April is a good month, can you guess why? LOL

K&V, you are very very special people in my life. There is nothing better, nothing I want more, right now than to give you the baby(ies) that you want and deserve. I have to say, this is going to be the longest pregnancy of my life because I will be looking forward to the first time you are able to hold the new addition to your family in your arms.

Well, now that I've said that, are your eyes tired yet? LOL I think its time to go. Until the next time, God bless.

I think this will be the last post before transfer!

2005-02-08T07:06:00.000-08:00

Right now things are going pretty good. Ansil was able to rearrange his schedule once again at work so he is still coming with me. Thank heavens for that as I'm getting really nervous now and I don't think I would be comfortable flying to a different country and seeing new doctors all by my lonesome.

I went and got 4 books yesterday from the public library so I would have something to do on the plane and in the hotel room when I'm on bedrest. Of course I will have Ansil there to keep me company but I'm sure he will want to wander around too and check out the scenery. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do that much but I'm hoping to do at least a little bit of it before we leave.

And, I'm also not sure what we are going to do food wise. I'm not the type of person to go out to eat all the time so I'm not too comfortable with that but I also don't know if we will be able to find a convience store of some type to get a few food items from. We will have a fridge and microwave in our hotel room so its entirely possible to do that. It would probably save us a little money on food too but who knows.

Anyway, I'm just scrambling around making sure the house stays moderately clean, the dishes get done and all the laundry is done before we leave. I don't want to come home to a messy house and have to clean right away. I'm going to be amazed at how much junk we have to pack for everyone though, Kylee will be the worst since we have to pack her play pen and diapers and all the stuff.

So, I think that will be it for now. I will post again after we get back home with the details on the transfer, hopefully the doc will give me a picture of the embryo! LOL

We got some bad news again.

2005-02-04T02:27:00.000-08:00

I had my lining measured Wed. morning and it turns out that its only at a 6. Unfortunately for us, they want to see it thicker than that, I think an 8. From there we had a couple of options. We could go ahead and cancel the transfer for this month and try again next month, leave it as is and hope within those 5 days it got to where it needed to be, or wait until the 11th. To be on the safe side we are waiting until the 11th and hoping and praying that its thick enough by then. I will have another ultrasound the morning of the transfer before we actually do the transfer to make sure its thick enough. If its not then it will be canceled and they will send us home.

There is a chance that my doctor read the ultrasound wrong to begin with but we don't know for sure. Thats mostly what we are hoping for. I'm really nervous that he didn't read it wrong and that I won't be where I need to be even by the 11th. But there isn't much we can do other than wait and find out.

The message board that I belong to for surrogates and IP's has been a great resource. When I posted about my lining being too thin several of the ladies gave me suggestions on what to do to help increase the blood flow and thicken it up. They suggested eating strawberrie or other fruits with seeds that you eat, raspberry leaf tea 3 times a day, and soy milk. I had Ansil pick all of those things up at the store. I have to say, so far the soy milk is the worst! Sorry to anyone who reads this and likes it, but I truly can't stand it. I have chocolate soymilk just to be safe but even with that I mix in reg. chocolate milk to cover the taste of it. So far thats been working pretty good. I'm able to drink it without gagging anyway. :)

Instead of being a day before C's 2nd transfer we are 2 days behind but I think she is transfering 3 dayers and ours is a 5 day embryo. So if thats the case then technically our due dates would be the same! She wanted me to lead the way with the pee sticks and I still think that might happen! I'm going to end up with peeitis in the next couple of weeks, I just know it. I will have to tell Ansil to hide the bank cards and check book from me so I can't go out and buy a whole bunch of pregnancy tests! LOL

Thats the latest update on us. I'm not sure I will have any other news before the transfer but if I do I will be sure to update once again.

God Bless.

Appt. tomorrow

2005-02-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning at 8am is my lining check. I have to say, for as much cramping as I've been doing, I had better have a nice thick lining! Its like having AF for a whole month and it sure isn't fun but so far so good!
The craziest part of this is I had called the clinic last week to set up the appt and I told them I needed to have an endometrial lining check. The nurse had no idea what that meant, and she said the doctor didn't either. So, I got Dr. Virro to send a doctor's order and it said the same thing, that he's requesting an ultrasound to have my lining checked and they said it was exactly what they needed and no more problems and had already set my appt up when I called them back. Now, how is that any different than what I had originally asked them? I tell ya, I can't wait until I'm pregnant, at least then I know they will know what to do!!!!

So anyway, I will update tomorrow after I have the results. Hoping to have a nice thick perfect lining as the transfer is only 7 days away now! Yipee!

Almost there now....

2005-01-31T01:02:00.000-08:00

We are so close to the transfer and I just can't believe it! Things have moved so fast this month and I'm totally psyched about it. I talked with V for a little while today and she said that she was just counting the days too and is amazed how the time flew.
As of Jan. 25th I am only on Estrace and on the 29th the dosage went up to 6mg a day. I'm still not having too much of a side effect of any of it. Very thankful for that. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm also taking prenatal vitamins to help get my system ready for a baby and hopefully help sustain a healthy pregnancy!

This past week has been a horrible one for us but we got through and now the healing process begins. I've been so worried about my stepmom, who is going through chemo. She got really sick from it last Monday. On Wed. my grandma quite unexpectedly passed away. Then on Thurs. my uncle, whom I love dearly, had a double bypass surgery. And to top all of that off, I got the flu and the doctor ordered bedrest for me! It was absolutely horrible for a couple of days but we made it through.
Well, my stepmom is feeling better even though she is drained and has virtually no immune system. My uncle made it through surgery with only a couple scary times and is now doing great from what I've been hearing. I think he's been moved out of the ICU now. We made it through the funeral for my grandma, but I don't think its really sunk in for me yet.

And, I finally, for the first time in at least 3 months, was able to have a night out with no kids to worry about. I was with my sister, brother in law, and his brother and wife. We had an awesome time and if Ansil hadn't come when he did and bugged me to leave, I would have actually gotten up the courage to sing karaoke for the 2nd time in my life! They kept telling me that I sounded just like my sister, who is an awesome singer, so they put my name in with my brother in law's brother and I was going to do it! LOL Oh, well, there is always the next time.

So, things are looking up for us. Everyone is feeling alot better now. No more flu unless Ansil decides its his turn, which I really hope doesn't happen. Kylee is getting her first molar in and has been handling that really well. Ryssa turns 6 on Feb 6th, next Sunday and we are having her party here on Fri. Feb 4th. And in 7 short days, we fly to Canada for the transfer.

Here's to a good week everyone!

All of these hormones are making me crazy!

2005-01-22T17:17:00.000-08:00

LOL Ok, so they aren't that bad but I can honestly say that I can tell they are hormones! I think I'm going to drive myself crazy before I drive anyone else there. There have been a couple times that I wish I couldn't even stand myself but we will make it.
I'm on day 3 of Estrace (estrogen) pills and day 8 of Lupron shots. My Lupron will be done on Jan. 28th and the Estrace will be increased until the pregnancy test and on Feb. 3rd I will start the progesterone suppositories again until the pregnancy test.

Whew, thats alot of extra hormones but we do need to make a nice thick comfy lining for our little embryo to keep him/her comfortable. A nice inviting place to call home.

Now is the countdown to the transfer. As of today, we have 16 days left. Just over 2 weeks time to get everything in order!

We've got a transfer date!

2005-01-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

I just got confirmation today that we are going to do the transfer on Feb. 8th! YAY!!!! We leave Minnesota on Monday Feb. 7th, the transfer will be in the morning on Feb. 8th, and we will come home on Feb. 10th!

Now all I am waiting on is the med protocol and our flight schedule! We are so excited! I talked with V tonight and I have to say that I am overwhelmed with joy. My cup runeth over. I've been so blessed to "meet" them and to be able to at least try to give them another precious gift from God. Even though not much has happened yet, my life will forever be changed. And no matter the outcome of this, I just want to take the time to say thank you to V&K for even giving me this opportunity. You are absolutely wonderful and amazing people and I am more than honored to help you expand your family one more time.

Now, to anyone and everyone who has, does, or will read this, please send your wonderful thoughts and well wishes and baby dust to us on Feb. 8th. We've only got one little embryo to transfer and we have to hope and pray that he/she finds my body the perfect place to call home for 9 months!

The time is flying by now!

Meds are started

2005-01-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

I took my first shot of Lupron Sat. afternoon. Actually, my loving sister gave it to me and instructed me on what to do and how to do it. This morning I did it myself! I'm so proud of myself too! Granted it took me a couple minutes with my skin pinched and the needle poised to go in before I had enough courage to actually do it, but I did. It wasn't bad at all going in, when I pulled it out I thought I was going to bleed all over though. HAHA! Shortly afterwards though it became a swollen sore lump on my leg. I think thats because I don't have much fat in that particular area of my leg, its mostly muscle. I will try a different spot tomorrow and see how it goes though.

So, thats that for now. We are well on our way and are expecting to have the transfer around Feb. 9th. When I get my med protocol and any other news like a set date I will have another update for everyone!

P.S. Our dog had puppies again last night! 6 of them, 4 girls and 2 boys. Once again, the girls rule the roost around here! Poor Ansil, he's going to go crazy with all the female hormones around him! HAHA

Forget waiting any longer

2005-01-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

AF came tonight! Here I was worried to death that I would be too excited about all this and I would never get it. So I'm sitting at the computer working for a while and I start getting cramps again. I got my hopes up and then told myself not to because we all know my body has been acting weird lately. Well, it's true! And what's even better is this. We were worried that I would get it late tonight or Sat and then I wouldn't be able to get my meds until Tues and by then it could have been too late to start them. So Corinne, she's been doing awesome btw, at IARC said she would call the clinic and ask them to send them to me so I would have them "just in case" but was worried they wouldn't do it. Well, I got a call today and they are coming in tomorrow guaranteed by 12pm!

YES YES YES YES!!!!! It seems that finally something is going right and without a hitch! Alright V&K, lets go for it, we are all set now!

Ready for some good news?!?!?!

2005-01-13T17:24:00.000-08:00

I can't express how long and patiently, well as patiently as I can be, that I have waited to hear some good news. And today just happened to be the day that we got some!

Here we have been thinking that we will have the transfer in March since they didn't want to schedule it until all the tests have come back. Today, V&K received an email from IARC saying that the one test that was going to take so long would be back in 2 weeks! I was totally in shock but so very happy at the same time.

Now we just have to hope and pray that the nasty AF comes within the next 3 days and we will be having the transfer sometime between Feb. 8th and Feb. 12th!

More information will be coming soon I hope! Have a wonderful day everyone!

The panic attack is OVER!

2005-01-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is WHEW! I was finally able to get in touch with V and she explained things to me as she got a bit more information that I was able to. Right now, because of the lenght of time it takes to do a "special" HIV test, I think its called P45, we wouldn't have the results back before the transfer and Dr. Virro is quite adamant about getting those back before transferring. Apparently it is a more accurate HIV test but I still have no idea why it would take 6 weeks! The rest of them only take days to get back. And of course, this clinic is the ONLY clinic that even asks for that test!

So, if my cycle is now back on track, which I feel it will be now, we will start the meds in Feb. when that cycle comes for a transfer the first week in March. Its a bummer for everyone. Who would have thought that trying to get pregnant could be such a fiasco! LOL Just kidding everyone. I'm trying to stay on the light side of things as I got a stern warning to CHILL OUT! LOL

The only way we could do a transfer in Feb now is if my cycle comes 2 weeks late so they have enough time to get the test results back before the transfer. Last month we were hoping I would be on schedule and now this month we are hoping I'm still NOT on track.

There are so many ups and downs when being a surrogate, I can only imagine how hard it is for the parents, who have been praying for this miracle baby for so long already, to have all these bumps, hills, valleys when traveling down this road. It is definitely NOT for the weak!

So, thats it for now and we will keep our fingers crossed that everything from now on goes as planned and is quite uneventful!

Best wishes for a wonderful and happy new year everyone!

Frustrated, Irritated, etc. etc.

2005-01-06T13:56:00.000-08:00

What is going on?!?!?! I got a call on Monday 1-3-05 from IARC concerning my doctor appt. that was scheduled for Friday. Well, I couldn't have my appt. on a Friday because then the testing kit wouldn't get back overnight as nobody would be there on Sat. to pick it up. No biggie. I just called the clinic, told them what was going on and what I needed done and moved my appt. from Fri. to Thurs.
Then I asked about how long it would take to get my meds because I wanted to be sure I had them by the 13th in case my cycle started on time for once. I got told that it wasn't going to happen, I wouldn't get my meds by then and we would have to go off my Feb. cycle which in turn means we wouldn't have our transfer until March!!!!! I have no idea why they won't go off this cycle as I was not given a full explanation. I'm feeling like they think its none of my business why or really whats going on except for the stuff that I need to do like sign the contract and do my testing. Other than that I'm kinda left out of the loop and I really really don't like that!

Anyway, today I got my testing done and blood drawn, all 8 tubes of it! And sent it back Fed Ex overnight so the clinic will have it tomorrow.
As it stands, I haven't talked to V or K in about 5 days and I don't have any idea what is going on now. I'm frustrated about all of it. My schedule has been messed up all week long now because I have been worrying about this and I have spent 3 nights worried sick and awake all night long.

So I have to say, K & V, if you read this before we talk either by phone, MSN, or email, please email me and let me know whats going on. I don't know if you have been checking your email lately because I haven't gotten a response to anything I have sent you and I'm worried that you aren't even getting my emails.

So now the year starts off with a bang alright! Its the sound of my head hitting the wall over and over! GRRRRRRRRR!

A wee little update

2004-12-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

I think I have upset V! She was feist when we chatted yesterday. LOL I told her everything I had been told about how the transfer could be put off even longer because of the doctor's availability and other things and she told me she was going to call IARC and be MAD. V you are so cute! Though I can't blame her for it either. I'm a little upset about all this myself.
Anyway, we are still hoping for a transfer in the beginning of Feb now, even though I might have to be gone on Loryssa's birthday.

I had my doc appointment today. Boy was I nervous though! I just knew that I had to tell him what was going on and why I was making such a big stink about not getting my period when most people would be elated about not having it at all. He was totally understanding though. Since they deal with infertility he knew what was going to happen and why I was nervous about it. He went in there prepared to tell me I was worrying over nothing and to just let my body do its thing. Then I told him that I'm a surrogate and I need to be assured that I can have my period in Jan he changed his thinking. He said that its probably best that I stay off the birth control pills anyway, which I had already sworn off 4 weeks ago. They make the uterine lining thin over time anyway and I will need a decently thick lining for IVF. He also said that since my cycles have always been like clock work every 28 days when I have gone off the pill in the past there is no reason to think they won't be now. BUT, if I don't get my period the day I think I should to call him right away and have a serum pregnancy test and the PIO shot like I did last time.
So V&K rest assured that that is exactly what I will do!

I also went ahead and made an appointment with him to do my testing stuff in Jan after I get the kit. I was hoping to get in on Jan 6th but he is going to be gone that day so my appt. is Jan 7th. I would have gone for the one on the 5th but I figured that would be too soon and I wouldn't have the kit yet. This way I'm pretty sure everything will be here that I need and I can get it done already!!!!

Only a couple weeks away and we will be well on our way to a happy healthy fun and non-adventerous pregnancy!

2 steps forward and 3 steps back

2004-12-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

As the title says, thats exactly what has happened. We got the contracts signed and sent back. K&V got theirs out last friday thank heavens. But yesterday I got an email that I didn't want to see. I won't be able to get my medical testing kit until after January 3rd since the clinic closes Dec. 20th -Jan. 3rd. :(
So that means that I won't be able to start my meds until after that and we have to have the test results back from ALL the tests before we can do a transfer. So it will be 6 weeks at least after I get my testing kit sent back. But it only gets worse from there.
Since I have been lucky enough, yeah right, to not have regular cycles these past 4 months we could be waiting even longer for our transfer. I can't start taking my meds until the first day of my period. I can only hope and pray that I will get it during the 3rd week in Jan. Then I will be on meds for appoximately 25 days before our transfer. So instead of looking forward to a Jan. transfer it will be sometime in Feb. or thats what our hope is now.
Also, since my cycles aren't regular I decided to totally stop taking my birth control pills in hopes to get it back on track. Well its been 3 weeks now and still nothing. So I called the doc yesterday thinking he would have me come back in for a pregnancy test and a shot of progesterone again. NOPE. He wants to see me to try and figure out what is going on. Sooooo, Monday morning I go in and talk to him. I just love my OB doc so I'm hoping with all my might that he will have an answer for me so we can work off my Jan. cycle for the transfer and not my Feb. cycle.

Well, thats the latest news for us and I'm pretty sure we won't have anything new happening until Jan. so I will post again when we have some news.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!!! Be safe and have wonderful joyous holidays!!

Final contract is on its way!!!

2004-12-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

The final contract was emailed to all of us today. I happened to be checking my email when it came though, lucky me! But of course, my printer had to be having problems. So what do I do? Yup, hey sis, can you print this for me and make 2 copies? LOL She can't ever get a break from me, but my wonderful loving sister said yes and a couple hours later we were off to get it notorized and mailed. What's sad is I didn't bring an envelope to put them in, nor did I bring the address for IARC with me. So after a frantic call to my wonderful sister again and 2 calls to IARC, neither of which did anyone answer, dumb me found the address in the contract. Who would have thought of that? Certainly not me of course!

Anyway, its in the mail now and I pray the get it soon. Now K&V I'm sure will send their part off ASAP too but it takes about a week to receive anything from overseas! We will certainly be cutting it close for me to get my test kit and I won't be able to get my meds before the clinic closes on the 20th until Jan 3rd. :sad: So it looks like now we are looking for a transfer in the beginning of February. I really really really hope it isn't over Feb. 6th as that is Loryssa's 6th birthday! Poor girl would be crushed if we had to be away from her on that day.

So thats the latest news for now. I hope to know more by mid week next week.

We finally talked on the phone!

2004-12-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

Yup! V called me this afternoon, well evening for her, and we had a nice chat. I'm glad to be able to put a voice with the faces and words now, and I'm sure she feels the same way. One topic that we discussed today was the weather. After hearing how decent it was year-round over there, I think we just might move! HAHA I just wish we didn't get as much snow here as we do. Some is fine, but lets keep it measured in inches instead of feet please!

We had some confusion about one particular item in the contract. I voiced my concerns to V, who I think had many concerns of her own afterwards. I then talked with the agency about it who reassured me that it would take alot for V&K to reach a final decison about this "item". After giving it more thought I wrote a lengthy heartfelt email to V. I certainly hope she understood what I was saying and took it as it was meant. :) I have to say, V&K are awesome people and very understanding and considerate. And I just want to say one more time, thank you for thinking of me and being willing to include me in your decision on this subject. It really means alot to me.

Anyway, when V and I talked on MSN the other day, she asked me if I was ready to sign the final contract. Of course I am! So she said she was going to call the agency and tell them to get it sent off. K will be gone this week but I think she is going to tell them that everything is ok and to go ahead and send me what I need for the rest of my medical testing. This is the part that makes me nervous! After I send in my lab work to the clinic they will send me my meds. LOTS of shots! I'm sure I will get used to them, but the part that scares me the most is giving them to myself. YIKES! But thanks to my sister, who graciously offered to "stick me", I don't think I will be doing them all myself. I'm also going to get Ansil to do it, it will give him some practice for his nursing career. :)

So thats the newest update for us. Stay safe everyone

P.S. V, I hope that despite K being gone this week you have a wonderful one. Some extra special time for you and S to spend together.

We've got the contract!

2004-11-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

Last week we were told that the contract was on the lawyer's desk and we would hopefully be getting it early this week. Of course impatient me, checked my email like every 5 minutes all day long in anticipation of receiving it. Even though I kept telling myself that it was too soon to actually get it! Well lo and behold, it came yesterday!!!
When I saw that I had it, I was jumping up and down and hollering that I got it. Gosh I was so excited. So I started reading through it, found some interesting things written in, a couple of things that I'm not sure about, but overall, it looks pretty good.

I must say that even though I know the reason for it, its silly that they make sure Ansil is behind me 100% and have him go to the psychologist with me, only for him to sign something saying that he does NOT consent to me doing this. LOL I know they have to cover their backs and its easier to do it this way so the biological father can put his name on the birth certificate right away but doesn't that just sound silly?

Anyway, I will be asking my questions and voicing my concerns about the contract today in hopes that we will have the final contract ready to be signed within the next 2 weeks. I sure hope so anyway because I need to have testing done and my meds ordered before the clinic closes the last couple weeks of December!

So I guess this is it! Here we go and this is truly the beginning of our journey together. Hugs to you K&V, and here's to a wonderful and uneventful journey together.

On the move!

2004-11-26T09:36:00.000-08:00

Its been a while now but I have awesome news!! We will be getting the first draft of our contracts next week by email. YAY!
Its been rough getting here though. It took forever to get the report from the psychologist, then it took quite a while fo K&V to get my profile information and then there were insurance problems with Ansil being fired, and questions K&V still had. I was worried there for a few days that we had blown everything and K&V didn't want to work with me but it passed. We are now on our way.
The next thing that sucks is that if we don't get pregnant by the second try, which will have to be a fresh transfer, we are done. All because of stupid COBRA insurance of course! So come on little embie, make the thaw and lets get growing baby!

Here's to hoping we have a New Year's baby on the way! Lets just pray that this baby decides to come before my baby's 2nd b-day Oct. 3rd!

Another obstacle!

2004-10-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

As of today, I still haven't gotten AF. I have no idea what the problem is but I'm sure I will find out soon enough.
Onto our next obstacle. Since Ansil is going to college in January and can't do school full time and work full time, he will have no choice but to quit his job. They refuse to let him reduce his hours and keep his insurance so we will be without insurance! I NEED to have insurance or being a surrogate just won't happen, so I called a couple places to see what I could find. The best I can get is actually pretty good. The only problem is that it will only cover up to $500 of labor and delivery. Even if I have a c-section! Though this isn't so bad since it will cover 100% of all prenatal visits. So if I give birth vaginally, which of course I want to do, and be out of the hospital within 24 hours, I really think the cost would be the same as if I paid the typical 20% of prenatal and 20% of labor and delivery. I guess I will have to wait and see what K&V say first though.

Thank heavens I found this out now before doing contracts, otherwise we might have had an even bigger problem! I sure hope this will be ok and K&V will still want to work with me.
Praying.

This is just the beginning!

2004-10-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Lets start off with an about me section.
I'm April married to Ansil. I have one child from a previous relationship, Loryssa, and we have one child together, Kylee, who is 14 months old. Ansil and I met via the internet and we met in person Nov. 26 2000. He came up for a 2 week visit and never went back. We have been married for just over 2 years. It was during my own pregnancy with Kylee that I discovered my dream of helping at least one couple achieve the bliss of parenthood that I have been blessed with twice.

Now onto my journey.
So far I have met a wonderful woman who then introduced me to, hopefully my, IP's ( intended parents). I will just call them K&V. We emailed back and forth quite a bit before I even got my application to the agency(IARC). I guess we have been getting to know each other throughout the past 2 months. Since IARC has gotten my application everything has been going pretty smoothly. I was accepted in a matter of days and a couple weeks later Ansil and I had our session with they psychologist. I had to take an MMPI 2 test, which basically was able to tell the psychologist what kind of person I am and my personality. She told me I was an almost perfect candidate for being a surrogate. Now a week and a half later I am still waiting to hear if she sent her letter to IARC saying that I'm good to go. As soon as IARC gets it they will send my application info onto my IP's and they can give IARC the green light which will then be the contract phase. Its just a waiting game from here.

I guess for now I will leave it at that and update when I have some news.